Women stand up for your rights and Pee like a man

As I blog I like to give out helpful advice for young Vampires, that are still learning to enjoy a meal without staining clothing. 

I have been asked what is the difference between Male and Female Vampires …………………………….

Well that is easy to answer:

Male Vampires are the ones that can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet              ……………

Er ……………. Well……………… ok so its more like some male vampires can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet.

Yes that is just like humans guys, and no I don’t know why they sometime miss, perhaps they should use two hands or open their eyes 

Look it just like human males and females, if you are not sure about the differences just ask your Mom ok.    

Now all your problems are over With P – Mate any female vampire can now relive her self while standing on a rooftop getting ready to pounce on a nice looking dinner walking past.

Why "hold it in" until you get home? 
Discreetly enjoy hygienic freedom.

The P-Mate™ is a disposable cardboard female urination device (sometimes called an FUD) that allows women to discreetly and neatly stand up and pee. 

 It eliminates dropping your drawers to use unsanitary port-a-potties and public facilities. 

Why take a risky or undignified squat in the field? When men find themselves without bathroom facilities, they merely turn their backs for privacy. 

Now this can be true for women, too! Women no longer have to lose their dignity or put up with unhygienic and unpleasant public restrooms, or no facilities at all. The P-Mate fits easily in your purse, pocket or glove compartment.  

It's a must for travel, sports, festivals and after surgery.  

 +++++++++++++++

OK so even Vampires have to pee, well what did you think happens after drinking 9 pints of blood ?

I do not know why but no one has noticed  in my books vampires are Asian Vampires ... 

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A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.

VAMPIRE 

Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).

www.fangsrule.com/buy1.htm

www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm

Your Panties griped tightly in your hand and your skirt clenched between your teeth and they say this is a holiday!

Your Panties griped tightly in your hand and your skirt clenched between your teeth and they say this is a holiday!

There comes a time when you can no longer cross your legs and when a girls got to go a girls got to go ………….

But when in SE Asia just try and keep your legs crossed a bit longer as the toilets are so not good news for a nice vampire girl brought up in the west ………..

I got myself a nice light flowing cotton dress to try and keep cool in and also hide the heat lumps …………. No not heat rash but heat lumps ………anything over 2inch dia is a lump ………it is also red and itches like  ****   ……

Look I’m a vampire and so even with 100% sun block I still suffer from the sun………….. No I am not the sort that catch fire ! I’m the sort slowly turns into one giant heat lump ……..

Culture shock:………………………

The toilets are PRIMATIVE ………yes very primitive …… a concrete room with stalls and flies lots and lots of flies………….. Each stall has a hole in the ground ………which looks like an entrance to hell……..and the floor is wet very wet …….this is due to the hose pipe which is attached to a tap in the wall and which is constantly running ……………. No toilet paper ……………you use a water hose pipe and fingers!!!!!

Yes I know I have a cute Butt …..Well I have been told…………. Mostly by men over 60 that wink when they say it ………yuck……and men on building sites………. but at least it is noticed……. But I am used to putting my cute butt down on a seat ………………Of course I can squat …..I am female and all females can squat but ….well I have two legs but you don’t see me taking part in the Olympics!

Well the floor is soaking wet as I said very wet so I remove my panties……………. Yes well with my sense of balance it is best not to tie my knees together while squatting over a hole in a very wet floor………………

And I am wearing a long cotton dress ………….. and the floor is soaking wet …and I am hoping just from the hose pipe…………… soooooooooo how not to get the dress wet ?……… time is running out as I am getting so desperate I may even risk standing up but that would make the dress even wetter………………

I have a bright idea …..I grab the front of the dress, pull it up to my face and grip it between my teeth…………..

Thank god they don’t have CCTV ………………

Then is the problem of working out how to use the hose pipe to clean yourself……………. How the heck was I to know that in a hot county the water was so ..so  .so.  very cold …………. And yes I discovered that by pointing it somewhere delicate !!!!!!............. delicate and now dripping wet and very cold!!

I am sure such things should be banned under the UN as a torture technique ………..if you did not want to take a piss before you would now !!

And without tissue paper how do you dry yourself? ……………. Well I don’t know!  ……….. you have just put a cold water hose pipe between your legs and you are now …..well ………..how can one put it …er…….dripping…..so I put my panties back on and …..yes before you ask it does feel like you have wet yourself..

Look I asked afterwards and I was told this is normal …NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!  now just who would have put it about that it is normal to walk around like that ……….you can’t even sit down for fear of leaving a damp patch.

And they call this a holiday !!!!! ………….. well I now know that in this part of the world a girl has to keep two things and never loose them ……….

1.  Is her virginity (until married)

and

2.  A large pack of tissues

Ho yes saw this on you tube and found it funny so take a look:

All the wonders of a guys washroom:……………..just click and find out .....hehehehe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zylzHyVIC5w&feature=related

and this is of coure my book.........

Click here to buy my book..........  http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm