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Friday, July 29, 2011

Pantie-less Vampire girl v the squat toilet

Look just because the movies don’t show that Vampires have normal bodily functions it does not mean they don’t have them………… let me give you a hint a vampire bat after a meal goes off to use its bathroom ok so when visiting a bat cave don't look up!…..now then why do you think that after 8 pints of blood I would not like to do the same thing?

My trip to SE Asia this year gave me lots of problems ………..Not so much as finding a meal but how to get rid of it afterwards ………..just listen:

Your Panties are griped tightly in your hand and your skirt clenched between your teeth and they say this is a holiday!



There comes a time when you can no longer cross your legs and when a girls got to go a girls got to go ………….

How To Use a Squat Toilet

Mastering Squat Toilets: Toilet Paper Necklace -- Female Travel Underground



But when in SE Asia just try and keep your legs crossed a bit longer as the toilets are so not good news for a nice vampire girl brought up in the west ………..

I got myself a nice light long flowing cotton dress to try and keep cool in and also hide the heat lumps …………. No not heat rash but heat lumps ………anything over 2inch dia is a lump ………it is also red and itches like  ****   ……

Look I’m a vampire and so even with 100% sun block I still suffer from the sun………….. No I am not the sort that catch fire ! I’m the sort slowly turns into one giant heat lump ……..


Culture shock

The toilets are PRIMATIVE ………yes very primitive …… a concrete room with stalls and flies lots and lots of flies……er did I say lots of flies…….. Each stall has a hole in the ground ………which looks like an entrance to hell……..and the floor is wet very wet …….this is due to the hose pipe which is attached to a tap in the wall and which is constantly running ……………. No toilet paper ……………you use a water hose pipe and fingers to wash yourself !!!!! YES IT IS TRUE ! You stick a cold water hose pipe between your legs !!!

As to no toilet paper a lot of the stalls don’t have doors !!!

Yes I know I have a cute Butt …..Well I have been told…………. Mostly by men over 60 that wink when they say it ………yuck……and men with odd tattoos on building sites………. but at least it is noticed……. and I am used to putting my cute butt down on a seat ………………Of course I can squat …..I am female and all females can squat but ….well I have two legs but you don’t see me taking part in the Olympics!

Well the floor is soaking wet as I said very wet so I remove my panties……………. Yes well with my sense of balance it is best not to tie my knees together while squatting over a hole in a very wet floor, now is it! ………………

And I am wearing a long cotton dress ………….. and the floor is soaking wet …and I am hoping just from the hose pipe…………… soooooooooo how not to get the dress wet ?……… time is running out as I am getting so desperate I may even risk standing up but that could make the dress even wetter…………

I have a bright idea …..I grab the front of the dress, pull it up to my face and grip it between my teeth…………..

Thank god they don’t have CCTV ………………

So there I am A blood sucking Denizen of the night ergo A VAMPIRE !  squatting over a hole in the ground with my dress clenched between my teeth and my panties safely in my hands.

Then is the problem of working out how to use the hose pipe to clean yourself……………. How the heck was I to know that in a hot county the water was so ..so  .so.  very cold …………. And yes I discovered that by pointing it somewhere delicate !!!!!! ............. delicate and now dripping wet and very cold!!

I am sure such things should be banned under the UN as a torture technique ………..if you did not want to take a piss before you would now !!

And without tissue paper how do you dry yourself? ……………. Well you don’t !  ……….. you have just put a cold water hose pipe between your legs and you are now …..well ………..how can one put it …er……your personal rainforest is kinda dripping…..so I put my panties back on and …..yes before you ask it does feel like you have wet yourself..

Look I asked afterwards and I was told this is normal …NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!  now just who would have put it about that it is normal to do that ! stick a hosepipe of cold water between your legs and then have to walk around like that …er damp……….you can’t even sit down for fear of leaving a damp patch.

Now this is why Vampires live in the West !!!!




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