Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
Amy Mah brilliantly sums up a teenager's unfair, unlucky, and incredibly awkward life: "For some reason boys are fascinated with boobs, and with plastic surgery so easily available nowadays I don't see why they don't get their own..." -- so why is it that they like ours so much -___- Us girls don't obsess over their weenies like that.
"[Blooding] is the when quality time is spent with your dad, no longer, in which he no longer is the old-fashioned monster of a male that storms into your bedroom without knocking while you're changing and demanding that you apologize to your mother for something that she is shouting at him about." -- the story of my family in one sentence.
"If your boyfriend suddenly decides to go commando, just tell him he looks untidy. A boy standing still naked is okay, but as soon as he walks about, not all his bits move at the same pace, and it is more amusing-looking than sexy. You may have heard of girls swooning (fainting) when seeing a boy naked, but I expect this was just an excuse to stop from pointing at them and getting into a fit of giggles over what they see." -- I reckon so too! LOL
"Remember that it is normal to turn the head slightly when you kiss. Nine times out of ten it will be to the right, which of course means that the first time you kiss a boy, he'll be the one out of ten sort, and you'll knock noses." -- in every kiss you have as a teenager, he will be the one out of ten sort. It soon shall pass.
"There's a truth in the old saying: 'Go to bed with a stranger and wake up with a friend.'" -- well I never! This puts a whole new perspective on the concept of sleeping with the enemy. So forbidden (hot).