Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Women stand up for your rights and Pee like a man
As I blog I like to give out helpful advice
for young Vampires, that are still learning to enjoy a meal without staining
I have been asked what is the difference between Male and Female
Well that is easy to answer:
Male Vampires are the ones that can pee standing up without
getting their shoes
Er ……………. Well……………… ok so its more like some male vampires can
pee standing up without getting their shoes wet.
Yes that is just like humans guys, and no I don’t know why they
sometime miss, perhaps they should use two hands or open their eyes
Look it just like human males and females, if you are not sure
about the differences just ask your Mom ok.
all your problems are over With P – Mate any female vampire can now relive her self
while standing on a rooftop getting ready to pounce on a nice looking dinner
Why "hold it
in" until you get home? Discreetly
enjoy hygienic freedom.
The P-Mate™ is
a disposable cardboard female urination device (sometimes called an FUD) that
allows women to discreetly and neatly stand up and pee.
eliminates dropping your drawers to use unsanitary port-a-potties and
Why take a risky or undignified squat in the
field? When men find themselves without bathroom facilities, they
merely turn their backs for privacy.
Now this can be true for women,
too! Women no longer have to lose their dignity or put up with unhygienic
and unpleasant public restrooms, or no facilities at all. The P-Mate fits
easily in your purse, pocket or glove compartment.
It's a must
for travel, sports, festivals and after surgery.
OK so even Vampires have to pee, well what did you think happens after drinking 9 pints of blood ?
I do not know why but no one has noticed in my books vampires are Asian Vampires ...
A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).