Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Women stand up for your rights and Pee like a man

As I blog I like to give out helpful advice for young Vampires, that are still learning to enjoy a meal without staining clothing. 

I have been asked what is the difference between Male and Female Vampires …………………………….

Well that is easy to answer:

Male Vampires are the ones that can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet              ……………

Er ……………. Well……………… ok so its more like some male vampires can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet.

Yes that is just like humans guys, and no I don’t know why they sometime miss, perhaps they should use two hands or open their eyes 

Look it just like human males and females, if you are not sure about the differences just ask your Mom ok.    

Now all your problems are over With P – Mate any female vampire can now relive her self while standing on a rooftop getting ready to pounce on a nice looking dinner walking past.

Why "hold it in" until you get home? 
Discreetly enjoy hygienic freedom.
The P-Mate™ is a disposable cardboard female urination device (sometimes called an FUD) that allows women to discreetly and neatly stand up and pee. 

 It eliminates dropping your drawers to use unsanitary port-a-potties and public facilities. 

Why take a risky or undignified squat in the field? When men find themselves without bathroom facilities, they merely turn their backs for privacy. 

Now this can be true for women, too! Women no longer have to lose their dignity or put up with unhygienic and unpleasant public restrooms, or no facilities at all. The P-Mate fits easily in your purse, pocket or glove compartment.  

It's a must for travel, sports, festivals and after surgery.  


OK so even Vampires have to pee, well what did you think happens after drinking 9 pints of blood ?

I do not know why but no one has noticed  in my books vampires are Asian Vampires ... 


A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.


Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).

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