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Monday, August 12, 2013

Attack by the Lawnmower from Hell !!!



Last night I watched QI a quiz type program and they had an answer listing the first guy that cut his dick off with a lawnmower 

.... yes it is a family quiz show ................ it is an episode of QI just look it up.........

then I got thinking ................ THE FIRST ! ?! 

Like they are forming a line to do it? and HOW ?????? ok so I am not that well up on how a lawnmower works but I have seen them being pushed about and still have to ask HOW !!!!! 

Does the guy stand naked at the bottom of a hill trying to stop a runaway lawnmower? or is it a new form of fighting for those that can not afford a chain saw ...... 



Ok do some guys are mega dumb at times but still I can not work out HOW !!!! and the first person that says it is possible to confuse a machine with spinning blades as a vagina needs to try and read up on reproductive biology hopefully with illustrations and guiding text ...........................

At the moment my mind is on the idea of a guy trying to repair it by sitting naked with it on his lap and watching porn on the TV while he works on it ............... Look I don't know I am just guessing .......



And if it was the un-powered sort you just have to push then I have run out of all ideas .....................





++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
NOW For my books

I do not know why but no one has noticed  in my books vampires are Asian Vampires ... 


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A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.



VAMPIRE 

Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).









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