Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Married Kama Sutra: The World's Least Erotic Sex Manual

The Married Kama Sutra: The World's Least Erotic Sex Manual

Filed under: Is it just me?

The Married Kama Sutra: The World's Least Erotic Sex ManualThe Married Kama Sutra: The World's Least Erotic Sex Manual

A new book has stolen the crown for Most Realistic Post-Wedding Read.

For centuries lovers have found inspiration and advice from the Kama Sutra, but new arrivalThe Married Kama Sutra: The World's Least Erotic Sex Manual gives a new twist on those tricky positions, which only those immersed in mundane blissful long-term relationships can truly appreciate.

Our top three:

The Prodding Position: 
To clean an area near a man's foot to imply he too should be cleaning.

A Close Call: Almost being caught looking up old lovers on Facebook. Just for reference, of course.

The Stubbon Goat: Pushing a man into a clothes shop to buy a new shirt. For the first time in a year.

Book Description

An illustrated 'sequel' to the famous Kama Sutra: a humorous guide to the positions of married life.

Product Description

For centuries, lovers have found inspiration and advice in the ancient text of the Kama Sutra. Now, Simon Rich - 'one of the funniest writers in America' (The Daily Beast) - and Farley Katz have unearthed a valuable new document - a guide to the positions most common after marriage. From 'the interrupted congress' to 'the beaching of the whales', here are the poses, positions and games married lovers play to keep the spark alive - and the dishwasher properly loaded. Complete with illustrations in the style of the original Kama Sutra, but with modern, domestic accoutrements: dirty nappies, TV remotes, and wine glasses aplenty.!slide=aol_1280359&a_dgi=aolshare_facebook

A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.

Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).

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