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Friday, September 12, 2014

VwV Types of Vampire VwV by Amy Mah

VwV  Types of Vampire  VwV by Amy Mah
As Vampire go I am more of the old school in that I like my lunch to be served warm and on two legs.

Male vampires may like to have a Renfield or an Egor to place signs to the castle.

Such as:




DANGER Vampire Castle (just 3 miles down road then turn left)

Do not go near the CASTLE !!!! (Signposted historic monument)

Do not park your Carriage on the left marked carriage park YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) 

DANGER What ever you do turn around now do not enter castle via GIFT SHOP next to sign pointing out the advantages of giving blood for health reasons.




No I Live underground and I have a maid ……………. She is undead and goes by the Name of BAMBI ……………. Look I did not name her ! Something about being born or conceived during a Disney Movie .




Yes this is my bedroom 

Being Undead she is kinda cold which makes two of us ………but with me it is being forced to wear a stupid Nightdress all the time due to the fact that is what Female vampire always wear …………… A stupid male idea if ever I heard one !



Me in my sexy Nightwear .........huh as if

I wear jumpers and jeans under my nightdress ……….. stupid males did not say what one wears under the nightdress so I wear everything.

I call Bambi my maid as that is what she is ………….. ok so I could call her my slave but that is so 18th century.

I do not know what I would do without her as she loves me so much …      Well I did turn her so no real choice on her part  

Being undead she does not need to eat or drink apart from blood ……..but as I said she does love me so on cold nights she will drink lots of hot water and cuddle me ………it is like owning an undead Hot-water bottle

As I said my maid is undead but I am a living vampire ………you can tell by the teeth ……….. and of course a beating heart.  

So as for types of vampire Mostly I stick with the normal sort living or undead ……

……… Vegetarian Vampires should be killed with a vegetable of their choice ……..

Ones that sparkle in daylight should be renamed as Fairies as they let down the very name of our kind.

Now as to Psychic Vampires ……………. Well these are popping up all over the place.

Personally I would suggest everyone invest in a lead lined helm ………. You know like the one magneto wears in the X-Men  ……..

I am at the moment seeing if I can get discount for bulk orders so if you are interested please send me your hat size along with proof of purchase of one on my books..

VwV


AMY MAH VAMPIRE                    Amy Mah 吸血鬼 

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