Sunday, March 1, 2015

Eating Out as a Single Girl by Amy Mah (Vampire)

Eating Out as a Single Girl 
by Amy Mah  (Vampire)

Every girl remembers the good old Dad and daughter nights out where he would show off his parental skills by picking out a nice succulent morsel for you to eat while he kept careful watch out for the cops.

But as you grow older he may not trust you to have boyfriends up to your room, or let you drive the family car …. But as long as you are home before Dawn and don’t star on murder watch, then the night is yours.

So let me offer some advice

First it is best to go on your own, and yes I know you want to take at least one undead maid with you but you know what happens when the smell of fresh blood hits them and you are left to deal with flashing blue lights and a pile of empties to explain!

Even if you have own personally turned leave her back at the nest, with the personally turned you will get the constant mental communication in your mind:.. “Please mistress can I bite him! He is so cute and I am sure he would not even notice me nibble him if I helped him remove his pants first”.

Plan on what to wear and take with you.

What to wear:

Ok Short Skirts and San Panties may attract attention as you leap across a roof but as you sure you want your food drooling?

Besides even in summer it can get kinda draughty roof hopping and that sort of cold forces you to either cross your legs a lot or spend a lot of time searching for a rooftop restroom.

So ….

1.   Comfy Undies, which means a sports bra and panties that do not try and fit internally.

2.   Dark Clothing, (Hint) Black is always in fashion for a vampire.

3.   Flat shoes with good firm grip on slopes.

4.   Wear your Helsing body armour! Yes I know it pinches your boobies but they all to that, and a stake would hurt more.

What to Take:

1.   Back pack (in black, with or without bat design)

2.   Cell phone in case you need to call dad if they send a swap team after you like last time.

3.   Wet wipes, small bottle of water and some tissues………… For the messy eater these are a must to remove the blood unless you only hunt on Halloween.

4.   Windup torch, well it is always useful.

5.   Duck tape (in black)

The Food

We all know you can get the blood bagged and yes it is kinda ok, but nothing can compare to a personally hunted meal ….and yes I know we are all living very busy lives nowadays but it is cultural and one should at least try not let a culture suffer just because some vamps think it is cruel to hunt live food.

And let me put your minds to rest and report that the food enjoys being hunted! I have even checked on some of the human hunter sites and hunt your own game fresh sites and they say the game enjoys the chase and if you go for the slow ones then it keeps keep the breeding stock healthy.

I have even seen photos of fish that have been caught several times with proof that they have been hooked more than once so must enjoy the fight with the fisherman….. so you may find that if you do not kill someone you may get the chance in the future as Humans love the thrill of being hunted.       

1.    Fast food ………. The underground railway system is perfect, you can do what ever you want on a tube train and no one even pretends to care, if standing room only then use the duck tape to attach your snack to a hold rail, as it is impolite to have your food drop into the laps of fellow passengers.

2.    If you are not up to a hunt but still want your food fresh, I found wearing a very short skirt and standing on a street corner will get you lots of meals stop their cars and offer their bodies to you, you even get to keep the car after you dump the body.

3.     The first two are far too easy, what you should always go for is the traditional hunt where you can drop down off a roof onto a passing house breaker so show him what it is like to be broken into.   

And yes this is the tradition way and not as the guys would have it as brake into some girls bedroom leaving several hours later without having bitten her, but instead covered in lipstick and bite marks she made on him !    

“Evil is as Evil does” (yes, it is a real saying, you can look it up.)

Why do people think traditional Vampires of Myth are evil? (And then take on their name “Vampire” and dress like them …… Hummmm now that is a whole new ‘can of worms’) What sort of human morality comes into play when you can call a shark or a snake evil and if you did would they care? 

The clue is we are seeing a reflection of ourselves in how they act, and to see evil in a traditional vampire is to say you can see evil in yourselves. 

  See Me at: www.amymahvampire.com


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