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Sunday, January 6, 2013

IT'S A GUY THING


Find out what men really mean when they 
say...

"I'M GOING FISHING"


Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a 
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete 
safety." 

"IT'S A GUY THING"


Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and 
you have no chance at all of making it logical". 

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" 

Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?" 


"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." 

Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. 


"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" 

Means: "I have no idea how it works." 


"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." 

Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a 
bra." 


"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD". 

Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." 


"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." 

Means: "Are you still talking?" 


"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." 

Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the 
first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of 
every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." 



"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES". 

Means: "The girl selling them on the corner had great tits." 


"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." 

Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death 
before I admit that I'm hurt." 


"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING". 

Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." 


"I CAN'T FIND IT." 

Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely 
clueless." 


"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" 

Means: "What did you catch me at?" 


"I HEARD YOU." 

Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am 
hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't 
spend the next three days yelling at me." 


"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE" 

Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be 
worse." 


"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC" 

Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving." 


"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." 

Means: "No one will ever see us alive again." 


"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK" 

Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."




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hi just to remind my readers that I do book features on my blog, book advertising is always so expensive so I offer a free service My blog has over 42,000 hits and a large following, am what I do is lots of book features as well as life as a teenage vampire. Send me a book cover pic, book blurb and details on where it can be purchased along with author details and photo etc........ any thing that will make it good reading and i will do a book feature on it. my email is: amymahvampire@aol.com  In return all I ask is that you help publicise my books in anyway you can such as also doing a feature on your blog on my books. 






A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.



Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).












Review of Vampire by Amy Mah

Since the author of this unusual and humorous book is herself unusual and a bit off the charts, I am doing something a little different with this review. Of course, I mean that in the most loving way. You don't doubt me, do you, Mistress Amelia? I think it is necessary to give a brief account of how our Amy sees herself and her writing. This is borrowed from Amy's blog with some minor editing on my part. Clears throat! 

The author, Amelia Mah, is a 20 something snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who has a very popular blog of how she sees the world from the point of view of a modern teenage vampire. Following the success of her first book, "FANGS RULE A Girls Guide to being a Vampire," she has now expanded the idea of life as a teenage vampire into a full novel. Amelia has given her avatar her own name so you can see the world first hand from a very bored teenage vampire that has been forced to remain a teenager for far too long. She may have very good teeth and the ability to hang from ceilings but life is far from easy.


Below you will find the full color illustrated version of Vampire by Amy Mah. The edition that I read was the first printing and was not illustrated. Since I love the new version, I have decided to share that with you. 


Vampire
Amy Mah
Reardon Publishing
ISBN 9781874192619

   This is not your typical vampire story where vampires are jumping in bed with humans or are entangled with werewolves for one reason or another. This is the story of a teenage vampire who is just trying to survive in her day to day existence. It is humorous and will make you laugh out loud when  Amy is just being her own unique self. She has a way with words that is like no other. This book gives us insight as to how how Amy meets her boyfriend Max and becomes best friends with his sister Ice, who were introduced in her first book. Amy is so outrageous that you can't help fall in love with her. I'm sure she would have something to say about that... No matter! The book is a delight and if you are into the strange and unusual, you must get your copy and see for yourself. You better get a copy unless you want to hear from the author. She has her own version of bending you to her will. In all seriousness, get your copy, it is a great book.
    Disclosure: I received a copy from the publisher for reviewing purposes.

I give Vampire 5 out of 5 stars   

Links: 
www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm and can be found on the amazon US and UK sites.


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