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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Pruning your personal rainforest (trying to control pubic hair)


Ok Ok it is winter I should not have to worry about it! 

This is the time of year when a girl can grow her very own fur coat to keep warm and no one notices ………….

(If u have not guessed, I am talking about pruning one's own personal rainforest…………er …………..  a girl's garden  …………….If u don’t understand ……….well just go play with your stuffed bats until you are older….ok)

and ....well…………………it would have been fine if a friend had not invited me to go swimming then …….hmg…………..I noticed just how wild it had gone ………….. I mean there is slightly in need of a trim and there is the stage where people stare at u when u change! ………I mean it took so long in trying to tuck the straggles away that people thought I was playing with myself………..  then it looked like I had stuffed a sock in the bottom bit of the swimming costume ………so this must be why men don’t bother removing their undergrowth………….. and……… well some Guys really do need the help of stuffing a sock in their swimming shorts when there is cold water to swim in……………… er ……… yes Guys we do notice …….hehehehe

I am a living breathing vampire a full blood alpha female, and I feel sorry for my vampire maid BAMBI, being turned ……..UNDEAD ……….. the type of female vampire human males dream of having sex with, as they never age and always look like they did the day they died ……………. Er ……… Guys I think that is called Necrophilia …………. Look it up you perverts!.............    

Bambi died and got turned way back in the dark ages …..during the 1970s I think ……….. like most of the undead vampire girls she does not bother with panties …or in fact any underwear……… She believes the propaganda that Hollywood puts out .silly girl………. Yes no underwear …..Er..well no bodily functions so why bother.....and so she would look supper sexy all the time ……….. if she had only been prepared to be turned…………. She was not as you can see from her hair style.....see my website.......www.fangsrule.com   ………….. being Undead your body is fixed at the moment you are turned, so you have the same hairstyle no mater what the fashion is and I must have told you of the number of times I have seen maids take a knife and cut off all their hair only to have it grow back at the first taste of blood.

So vampires from her time have wonderful examples of undergrowth, I have noticed that some of the more fashionable ones do them as Afros or as a pony tail and the more adventurous ones attach coloured beads……….you may ask how I know this ……..er…well they all like wearing very short shirts and ………..well you can't help but notice ………...especially when the beads are in day glow orange and green!

No point in them attempting to have ……... A landing strip……. Er …….. Mahican and they can only dream of a Hollywood or Brazilian.

Where as I am a living vampire and so could do all that if I wanted to.....but er….No……… just because it is fashionable nowadays to be on all fours …like a dog………while some stranger pours hot wax on you………….. Yes HOT WAX!!!! And …….yes that is near ….er..very near  the most sensitive parts of the body!!! look we are vampires ….not ……..perverted masochists !

Well if my boyfriend wants me to go through that kind of humiliation he can darn well go first show me the results and then perhaps I may think about it!....but only think about it!

Bikini line…crap why not make the bikinis bigger! ………….. look if you just left it to grow………. you could go to the beach without a bikini bottom and with your natural wild female rainforest ……….. well it will normally cover a larger area than any of the micro bikini’s that look more like a colored piece or cord between your legs ………….. and as to covering anything........ well…………. What do you think dental floss can hide ………when we are talking about girl’s bits and private places.  


You can even get a tattoo to help with your body topiary art  ………..this is a real tattoo! ……….no it is not mine!   


MY book FANG RULE a girls guide to being a vampire should be out in march see more of me at http://www.fangsrule.com/amy.htm  


4 comments:

  1. Girl, I can't stop laughing. Does that mean I am perverted?

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  2. heck............... if u r perverted what does that make me when this stuff comes from my mind!.....................

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  3. Do u think this may stop Guys swimming in cold water?

    ReplyDelete