God V The Chickens (the vampire explanation)

God V The Chickens (the vampire explanation)

OK you humans are so odd ………….like what has the poor chicken ever done to upset all your Deities of today?      

Well not so much upset as picked upon, you get all sorts of rules on what animals you can not eat as they are either unclean or holy … be it pigs…..cows……..shell fish…….snakes…….things that crawl on their belly ……….and even flies……………ok the fly one did take me by surprise and I got it from a documentary of religion ………

Along with what foot to use going into a toilet ……….. And with my experience of Asian toilets …….Well I rather not use either foot and just cross my legs…………… Look just what god is so bored that he is going to watch what foot I use to enter a toilet? And if he ………yes it is always a he ……… then wants to watch me take a piss !!! there must be rules for the correct way to do that as well ……….then that is one sure way to get himself an unholy reputation.

But back to the poor chicken, it should be born wearing a tee shirt saying EAT ME !!

See the gods pick on it and it is so unfair! ……..Like what has it done to upset the gods so much? …………… Thou shalt not eat swine as they are unclean……….. But chicken is ok and so at the same time please sacrifice one for me with extra BBQ sauce ……… as last time in was a bit tasteless …………..well just tasted a bit like chicken………….. ho yes and do it as a sacrificial take out so I can eat while watching the toilets………………

Well of course you humans all have it wrong ……………we vampires have the true god and we have holy books to prove it !

God loves us so much he ……..yes it is always a he……… like why ?………..

Has given us an ever expanding supply of food, which breeds faster than we can cull it ……………… er…………..yes I did say cull……… we are not the ones destroying the planet by over population.

Now stop complaining to me ……… It’s nothing to do with me …….. It is all written down in the holy book so has to be true ! …..God would not have let it be printed if it was not true …ergo ………. Look I can show you the page !

We are at the top of the food chain so ……….er……………ok along with cockroaches and some types of virus ………but we are the favoured ones not you ……………..  Again just read our holy book and you will soon know your place ……………. 

Just listen to the holy words  ………….. And I will make your food bountiful as you are the chosen ones ………..

See !................ what did I tell you…………..

It is full of stuff like that …………………… mind you not so happy with sections in the holy book like this………….

It is the female’s duty to raise her tail upon a males lawful needs and be submissive when the male wishes to use her body as that is good and holy …………….

Ho well if god says so ……….sigh ……….. What can a female vampire do ?………………

Mind you I do worry about some of the foot notes and think some male could have added them without god’s permission like it does not sound so godly when a footnote says………..

And she shall make appreciative sounds when he uses her body and not complain if he fails to satisfy her or points out to him that 1 min 45 seconds was not worth her raising the tail for,  it is her holy duty and besides he probably had a hard day at the office and nothing at all to do with the hot new secretary he has just turned.

But there you have it ………just a normal holy book.

Ho yes and we are also allowed to eat chicken …….but no tree frogs at a full moon ………….. And yes I have never eaten a tree frog at full moon as I am a good religious little vampire.    

And lastly being a good little vampire girl I could not stop you requesting that I raise my tail to you as is my duty …..but I should point out that if you ask such a thing my Uncle has also read the holy book and says he found a section giving him every right to strip you naked, cover you in honey and then stick your head deep into an ants nest ……………

I’m sorry but I thought I should warn you my uncle is very devout at times.

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About my blog .......if anyone wants to know it is all true .......about which foot to use stepping in to a toilet ………....er ………..its the left..........and you must also spit out a fly which goes in the mouth ..... ho yes and it is also sinful for a female to pee standing ........... God only designed male to do that...... huh ......I wish he also designed a male that puts down the toilet seat after using it....................

So does God watch you take a piss .......er..........just to make sure you sit down? .............. and would you really want to worship a god that watches girls take a piss? ....................

How about a god that hangs about toilets seeing what foot you use to go in ? ................ er……………is this just me or is someone making stuff up in the holy books? ...................... God i am a good girl and I sit down to piss and don’t eat flies…....now can I go to heaven?......

Now to as where people read my blogs ……. Yes I can see you ! …………. USA is always East and West Coast ……..a lot in San Francisco …………. So my humour must be democratic …and not republican ………………

Lots in Europe ………hi to my German fans !! 

None in China …….am I blocked? …………………….. but little hot spots all over the Muslim world  ….expats?…………… or am I used as a warning in schools  for males not to listen to females ………………