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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Having your first period is Gods way of telling you to go out and buy maternity clothing


Now how many times have I got to tell you:-

 Trust me I’m a Vampire!

When I see the odd crazy stuff you get up to I do try and help, and it is very hard work at time as you are not normal animals …………. Like the way females are permanently on heat ……………. You even give female vampires a bad name linking us to you and your sexual needs.


I see the Pope still says you can not use condoms and seeing how sexually active you all are I do not see the Vampire race ever running out of our pre-packed food supply …….  


Sometimes I worry what you think you are doing; look just because I am another species it does not mean I do not know what is correct for you like with sex ….you are going about it all wrong !


It should be forehead on the ground and butt stuck in the air and remember to thank him afterwards ………….. Yes this is the normal way !!! 

Those of us involved in bestiality   
………    ..er…    …….  making out with human guys find they all love it this way…………….

And we always remember to thank them before ripping off the head and using his neck as a straw....well sex can make you so thirsty……… er……………. Or course they don’t mind !!

You are all Sooooo silly we know because we ask first that’s why we know………………..

You know just as you are removing your panties you check with him…….

“Wow you look so Hot do you mind it I eat you afterwards?”

…………and as you help him remove his pants you check again:

“Wow that is big! I hope you do not mind but I plan to drain you dry tonight!”

As I said not a single guy has objected up to now…………..

The vampire world is so much better than the human world ………all you do is let a vampire guy know you are interested in him …………… as I said you take the normal mating position and if he rejects you then you are fully in your rights to crush his head with an iron bar as a gentle reminder not to play with your feeling ………….

Where as the stuff you humans get up to !...... like crazy or what ………. And so much like animals ………….. Just look at the way human guys like sniffing panties !! ….. I mean even after you have taken them off!!!!

Look most human females are on permanent heat you do not need to smell to check if she is ovulating ……………… sniffing them while you are wearing them is odd enough but after you have removed them ?

You will not believe what I read on the internet …………… that some girls remove and give the boyfriend her panties at the end of a date ………………. Er………… something to remember the evening by?


 look you can get a chill doing that sort of thing ………


……. The most I have done as a parting gift is to give a guy a kiss to go home with…………….. not to expect him to do my laundry …………… ok if you are going steady then perhaps get him to wash and iron the sheets …………..

Having a hot country childhood I have been trained to shower and change my underwear 3 times a day ………

…….. and well my underwear does not smell of anything but Lilly of the Valley Talc ………. Well you try pulling on very tight leather pants on a hot day without lots and lots of talc………


………. God can guys be so dumb at times …… it takes a lot of effort to look casually sexy ……

…….. have you seen divers try and remove a wetsuit after a dive…………… well tight sexy female pants are like that…………….



So are all your favourite vampires:



Now for all those guys that had the hots for Mortisha in the Adams family then this is a video for you.

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