A Vampire naked sex chat line……… .yes …nude ….starkers……bare…. unclothed
I was chatting away to a friend on FB today saying that I was naked and just going to take a shower……..yes I do chat in the nude.......... soooooooooo well why not?………….. and no I don’t have a video cam ……pervert!!!!
And I got to thinking ……………. Yes I can do that in the shower ………. It is called multi tasking ………. Now will you stop thinking of my naked body all covered in soap and pay attention ……… ok!
I need to make some money to publicize my book and well why not do a vampire sex line? ……….. Well it would be different …………. Other female vampires give out cards offering bondage and biting services ………….. Yes human males pay to be tied up and bitten ………perverts yes but perverts with money…….. …. So it goes down on the health insurance as special medical needs………..and now don’t you every say anything about me just chatting in the nude……..
So how about it a vampire sex line………..can’t be hard to do as long as you don’t mind the heavy breathing ……….
Er………one ..problem ….er……..like no one has ever told me what a sex line does? …………. Well I am not going to phone one up and ask am I !!!!!
So a customer phones my vampire sex line:
What do I talk about? ………….. er……..yes I am a vampire now please pay an extra 10 dollars per question…………… and as to questions like please touch your boobs for me………. Er……...why ………. Like I have had them since puberty and well the novelty kind of wears off after a few years …………. And unless it is cold they don’t do really do much on their own……………..
OK back to the customer………. What am I wearing ………er………ok another $10 ……………… a pair of very brief very sexy red panties with a little cute bow on the front in pink……………. What else? ……..well they are on special offer at the moment from Wal-Mart at 9.99 a pack of three………a real bargain……. But you have to wash them separately as the colour comes out …………… and like everything in the wash like comes out pink ……………..
Too much information …er…….sorry ok but I am new ok at this………………..I have a big thick sweat shirt with bats on? ….er..not interested ..ok….. they are pink bats!....still not interested …er………..
Drinks yes ok drinks……..i am drinking ……… and it is in a sexy way ………… the mug ever has a pink bat on it…………… why a mug? …….well it is hot chocolate and it also has a bat on it………..and the bat changes colour depending if the drink is hot or cold……….can't you tell from the way I have a ring of chocolate around my lips ……..er……………yes …….no …….video cam ….sorry.
No video cam ………..Well then you won’t worry about the face mask I have on then will you…………. Er……….it a grey face mask …...well apart from where the chocolate has stained around my lips…..
What’s my body look like you ask?……….er…….well kinda normal …….. You know boobs and such like ….hell didn’t you do biology at school? ………. Don’t you remember the picture in first grade biology……………. No the hairy one was a cartoon of Darwin
Ermmmmm? What ?..........sorry I was not listening ……….well I was just answering an email ……….yes it was important ! …………. If you must know the cat had 4 kittens three black and one ginger ………… no I don’t know how come one was ginger …
………. Good god what the hell do you what me to tell you about the sex life of cats for just £10 a question!
Yes my voice does sound odd when I shout…..…….well I have a stinking cold………. And well it is now dripping ………….which is your fault as if you had not phoned me I would have gone out and got some tissues……………..
Yes thank you ………….I am sure it will get better soon…………….. I just wish my stomach would………hmg I never going to touch shell fish again …….hell ........two days now and I have only just got off the toilet ……….
Hello ….hello ……………. ?
Now where did he go? ………and he had at least 5 dollars of credit left …..you humans are so odd……………
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