SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2012
Sexy Cedric: Amy Mah Vampire on Waking Up Naked in a Strange Bed with a Hangover and No Memory of How You Got There
Welcome, my darlings, to another Sexy Saturday with Cedric! Halloween is coming and I have a treat for you. (No, not that, I'm far too expensive.) Today, my guest is the always delicious Amy Mah. She writes about a problem that your host has dealt with on countless occasions: What to do when you wake up naked in a strange bed with no idea how you got there?
Waking up Naked in a strange bed with a Hangover and no memory of how you got there.
Bed and sleeping with people is always a problem and as I always say Sleeping with another girl does not always mean you are a lesbian sometimes it just means the central heating needs fixing.
So back to waking up naked in strange bed with a hangover and no memory of how you got there, every drinking girl's nightmare, along with the worry of where you left your clothes.
So you slowly open your eyes and painfully look around a strange room which from the décor shouts rather too loudly of cheap motel …….and the way your head feel it says it far too laud even if it whispered it.
A cheap nylon sheet is covering you …….er ………..and that is all you have covering you ………. A fur coat would have been nice …….shut up …….you don’t mind who I kill and eat but you object to me liking fur ….huh………….you humans are so odd if I said a human corpse covering you would not have cared !!!
Is it all that is covering you …er…yes you check twice and a single piece of coloured cord around ones wrist does not count! Supporting the local cat’s home is very charitable but does not count as clothing.
So what happens next?
1. A man leaves some money on the bed side table as he puts on his trousers and leaves …………
Action: ……….you scream ……………. What just $20 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. You turn to one side and see a naked man and two naked female fashion models in bed with you
Action: Roll over and go back to sleep you are ether in some guys dream or if real with the fashion models in bed with you than you know your honour is quite safe.
3. There is Eric the vampire from True Blood next to you in bed.
Action: ………….. Pounce on him ….he is not going to get away again!
4. You notice the room is empty apart from a pile of female clothes which are not yours.
Action :………. ….You know that no matter how short the skirt is you will go without underwear today as there is just no way you are ever going to put on another persons used underwear!
5. You look down and see you are now a guy You have changed sex during the night !!!! And then you hear a female voice near by asked how was it for you and shall we do it again?
Action:……………. Hope whatever the new extra bits you have know what they are going to do with out you having to order an owner’s manual from Amazon, but then as you stare at what is between your legs and now you more fear that the bigger problem will be trying to fit back into the micro dress you had on last night
6. You look down and you are still female but you hear a female voice near by asked how was it for you and shall we do it again.
Action: ……………. Telling her you have a headache only works on guys so you look on the bright side no matter what went on its now too late and turn to her thinking at least you won’t get pregnant.
7. You look down at your hand and discover a gold band on your wedding finger and snoring coming from someone near you in bed.
Action………………. Panic ! all you can remember are day glow cocktails with strange names like oblivion and something so pretty that it could not be alcoholic………. You can only remember talking to two people last night 1. a long distant truck driver who got his tattoos while in jail and 2. the bartender you are really praying it is the bartender next to you and then you remember the bartender was female and remembering the tattoos still pray it is the bartender!
8. You look around the empty room and remember that you booked yourself in last night just after being sick over the guy you fancied and you did not even remember eating peas. But he refused to take you home so you crashed here.
Action:……………….You pray to all the gods you know thanking them for the pounding head and the feeling of still wanting to be sick as it could have been far worse!
Amy Mah Vampire
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
About the Author
The Author Amelia Mah is a 20 something snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who has a very popular blog of how she sees the world from the point of view of a modern teenage vampire. Following the success of her first book "FANGS RULE A girls guide to being a vampire" she had now expanded the idea of life as a teenage vampire into a full novel Amelia has given her avatar her own name so you can see the world first hand from a very bored teenage vampire that has been forced to remain a teenager for far too long She may have very good teeth and the ability to hang from ceilings but life is far from easy.
Contest: Leave a comment for Amy and I will give one lucky winner an e-copy of Annals of the Immortyls! Contest ends 10/31/12 at 11 p.m. EST. Please leave a contact email, where Sexy Cedric can contact you!