Boob and Nipple protection Vampire Style

HELSING Boob protection Vampire Style 

The Helsing is named after Van Helsing the Vampire killer, and is a type of body armour.

As the humans know the best way to kill us is a stake in the heart or cutting the head off. This is what they always go for - along with garlic, which is a myth created by people wanting to sell more garlic, and and holy water, which is a myth created by the church seeking donations for repairing their roofs.

Humans are a little stupid over this. As a species Vampires are very intelligent and long-lived and it didn't take us long to work out that we live a lot longer if we can stop people sticking a sharp piece of wood between our boobs.

Helsing Armour is a metal plate which fits over the heart and is fitted as standard into clothing such as "The Hunter" and "The Fighter," or added as extra detachable plating. It is worn under the shirt of the Male, and cloaks have high metal collars so to protect the neck from a sword blow. Females can have a Helsing fitted into a bodice, or have it made to look like an ornate bra.

Helsings are always designed for positioning over the heart area of the chest to make it impossible for the wearer to be stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake. It would even stop silver bullets, swords, knives or in the case of one particular nasty killing in a Vampire film, stiletto heels. Vampires are traditionalists but we are not stupid, we've seen all the films on the subject and are normally the people who laugh in a cinema when a movie Vampire did something so stupid as to let his lunch kill him.

You do not have to have expensive clothing like the 'Hunter' tight and sexy and wow does it get the food drooling  ... when going out for a quick snack. You can just wear your normal clothes, and then you can take the prey by surprise. While it is looking at your legs or looking down your top you can be getting out a packet of tissues to clean yourself up afterwards.

It is very eye catching and visually pleasing for watchers to your hunting, if you wear a light flowing dress. This is always fashionable due to the fact that it rises into the air when you spin around, giving the prey and viewers a nice flash of leg. But no matter how proud you are of your family brand, in these circumstances the best thing to wear underneath is a tight fitting pair of black cycle shorts - see the movie 'Blood the last Vampire' where you can see 'Saya' leap, spin, somersault and kill without any worry of showing off her brand to strangers. Or even the fact you are in need of a personal fainforest trim +++++++++++++ 

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Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).

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A Bra and Thong? No I'm Wearing Sexy Helsing Underwear

Hi Its Summer and you can tell by the warmer rain  ………….so ……….all good vampire girls take a look inside the wardrobes to see what can look good when the weather gets better for an innocent (cough, cough ) walk in the night air.…………so having a look at my bullet proof vest ……or should I use the correct term Body armour………...yes of course I have one !!!!! …….silly!...............a girl has got to be prepared hasn’t she………….

No it is not like the big things you see on TV that say CNN along with the words Press on them in large letter just so people from Fox News know who to shoot at……(a joke before they sue me) …. When they say they fight for the stories it is True!!

The press ones look so thick they could stop a tank shell and makes the reporter look fat ……..they come in media camouflage colours which means Black with large letters in white saying TV ………..PRESS ……………..  So if a rival new company does not get you then it will be the government troops or rebel forces that will. 

Mine is unisex and I got it before I found out about wearing sexy Helsing underwear ………….. er……….. Want to know about my underwear?  ……….hhehehehehe    …………. Then you should have read my book! …..some of it is illustrated ….heheheehehe

It is unisex and white and fits under the clothes ……….. White …..ok so its brilliant white… my idea is that you can take it off and wave it to surrender ………but no they say it is to make it not noticeable ! …..

…...NOT NOTICEABLE !!!!  well if you were wearing an overcoat then maybe ……….. but it is big thick and flattens ones boobs, not hard to do in my case but still, so extremely flattening but not in a nice way   ………….. It is held on with Velcro’s straps and buckles, the inner layer is breathable with lots of holes to stop one sweating in it………….

Sorry my Aunt always says girls do not sweat ………….. Horses sweat ………Men perspire and Women glow……………. So when I try it on in the summer I am glowing like a Horse………….. er………………the armour plating comes out via zip pockets and you can wash the jacket on a low setting if it gets too smelly.

And just because it says Designed for Comfort on it does not mean it is ……and besides if I wanted something designed for comfort it would be a bra and not body armour!……to put it on it goes over the head and the straps tie it together …………….ok  ok .so once it is on its ok…………. It’s just that I no longer look like a girl …if I was a little flat before…..I am now very FLAT …far flatter than any sports bra and without the advantage of looking like you are at least trying to get fit.

FBI agents may be able to put a jacket over it but I suggest a jumper that way you can try and put a tissue stuffed bra over it to give you back some sort of famine shape………….. er………. it is heavy ……… the weight is taken by the shoulders but it is still heavy .

I am told it is good against knife attacks and can take up to a 9mm bullet………. Huh as it I’m going to test it out by standing anywhere some is shooting at me ! …………… it may not be comfy but heck you try sticking a stake in me and you will soon discover that this girl is one smart cookie ………………

Humans are so stupid at times ………look we have seen all the horror films just like you have …………..and we know about how you want to kill us …………..

Hell he will have one silly look on his face after trying to stake me! …………..

er………well not for long as the mention of stake always makes me hungry…………..and ho just look I have now found my evening meal standing in front of me with a blunt stake and a silly look!

…………………. Human = Stupid ………………..

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