Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers.
They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few.
Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire.
At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots.
Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper.
To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it.
And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
Today this has popped up on
Sodahead as a yes no question, er … Now it can’t be just me that went to school.
Are you a virgin or not a virgin?
Answer:
YES or NO
Like how can one answer that sort of question
It is like asking “is he ALIVE or DEAD” answer
YES or NO
YES = Zombie
But then
NO = Zombie
Perhaps we are straying into the realm of the
UNDEAD
And just why is not that word in the Dictionary?
Just how many more Books and Movies have to be
about before someone asks if a Vampire UNDEAD? Perhaps we should check in the
dictionary
I may be crap and grammar and spelling myself,
so if I can point this sort of stuff out then it must be bad.
One can see and hear funny stuff all the time one
of my old favourites is:
“She is slightly pregnant”
As soon as that is ever said I think that
means you can also say someone is slightly dead.
Arrrrrhhh we are now back to the Undead and
zombies
Slightly pregnant?
Perhaps it is the time between colour changes
on the little stick you have just peed on.
Now for my adverts
@@@@@@@@@@@@@'
FANGSRULE
A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.
VAMPIRE
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
When
the TwinTowers fell, Nathan Cruz saved the lives of dozens of strangers but the
one life he could not save was that of his pregnant fiancé. Wrecked with
survivor’s guilt and unresolved goodbyes, Nathan drops out of society where he
lives self-sufficiently on a houseboat in Florida.
A
twist of fate lands him into the home of Miriam Kanter, a young, fiercely
independent woman with a shocking secret. Alone together in the midst of a
raging hurricane, Nathan discloses the nearly unbearable sorrows of his past
and finds strength to piece his shattered life back together. Being with
Miriam, he feels the connection he’d been missing, stirring up feelings buried
long ago. But will Miriam’s own life cut short and plunge Nathan back into his
world of reclusive isolation?
Brutal slaying in the quiet
suburbs of Philadelphia have detective Aaron Miller on edge. Residents are readily
falling victim to a cold-blooded serial killer who is absolutely vicious,
torturing and murdering at random and for sport. As pressure mounts to stop
this psychopath, Aaron becomes increasingly frustrated by the lack of evidence.
As his own life begins to unravel, a chance encounter leads him to interview
the employees of City Café. He notices the shadowy figure washing dishes in the
back. What happens next places the group in grave danger and leads them into a
horror that will change everything about their lives.
On
a winter night in 2009, Niles Goodman risked his life to try and save a woman
and her newborn infant from a terrible car accident, seriously burning his
hands in the attempt. The injuries left him unable to work and the financial
strain is taking a heavy toll on his marriage. Enter Cody Larson and the
promise of 1.5 million dollars if Niles chauffeurs him to Seattle to retrieve a dead drug dealer’s buried cash and narcotics. What
entails is a weeklong trip into madness as Cody kills indiscriminately, and
then after each murder explains his philosophy behind the slaughter. He calls
it the frostproof. He believes he is the Antichrist and will soon rule the
world, until their hellish journey takes an unexpected turn.
Neil OstroffI’m an author of dark, noir thrillers, romance thrillers, and middle grade sci/fi and paranormal novels. I was raised in a rural town outside of Philadelphia and have been a published author for more than twenty years. My science fiction and fantasy stories have appeared in numerous presses, zines, and websites. I have several published novels available at all online booksellers. I am an avid boater, gardener, and poker player when not working on my novels.
ALWAYS WRITING
A blog about the writing life, making it as an indie author, and showcasing the books I write.
hi just to remind my readers that I do book features on my blog, book advertising is always so expensive so I offer a free service My blog has over 38,000 hits and a large following, am what I do is lots of book features as well as life as a teenage vampire. Send me a book cover pic, book blub and details on where it can be purchased along with author details and photo etc........ any thing that will make it good reading and i will do a book feature on it. my email is: amymahvampire@aol.com In return all I ask is that you help publicise my books in anyway you can such as also doing a feature on your blog on my books.
A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
Since the author of this unusual and humorous book is herself unusual and a bit off the charts, I am doing something a little different with this review. Of course, I mean that in the most loving way. You don't doubt me, do you, Mistress Amelia? I think it is necessary to give a brief account of how our Amy sees herself and her writing. This is borrowed from Amy's blog with some minor editing on my part. Clears throat!
The author, Amelia Mah, is a 20 something snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who has a very popular blog of how she sees the world from the point of view of a modern teenage vampire.Following the success of her first book, "FANGS RULE A Girls Guide to being a Vampire," she has now expanded the idea of life as a teenage vampire into a full novel. Amelia has given her avatar her own name so you can see the world first hand from a very bored teenage vampire that has been forced to remain a teenager for far too long. She may have very good teeth and the ability to hang from ceilings but life is far from easy. Below you will find the full color illustrated version of Vampire by Amy Mah. The edition that I read was the first printing and was not illustrated. Since I love the new version, I have decided to share that with you.
Vampire
Amy Mah
Reardon Publishing
ISBN 9781874192619
This is not your typical vampire story where vampires are jumping in bed with humans or are entangled with werewolves for one reason or another. This is the story of a teenage vampire who is just trying to survive in her day to day existence. It is humorous and will make you laugh out loud when Amy is just being her own unique self. She has a way with words that is like no other. This book gives us insight as to how how Amy meets her boyfriend Max and becomes best friends with his sister Ice, who were introduced in her first book. Amy is so outrageous that you can't help fall in love with her. I'm sure she would have something to say about that... No matter! The book is a delight and if you are into the strange and unusual, you must get your copy and see for yourself. You better get a copy unless you want to hear from the author. She has her own version of bending you to her will. In all seriousness, get your copy, it is a great book.
Disclosure: I received a copy from the publisher for reviewing purposes.
You can see the entire tour schedule by clicking HERE.
Welcome to The Wormhole and my day on the tour!
It is my pleasure to promote Amy Mah (Vampire)
and her book Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to being a Vampire.
The author Amy Mah (Vampire) is a well known blogger, that writes and blogs as a cynical teenage vampire:
Being a
vampire sounds like it should be a cool thing to be as a teenage girl,
like sleeping during the day and enjoying a night life with friends,
huh, no one had warned me that it also meant having to suffer Teenage
Hormones for so long! I am stuck as a teenager the years may pass but I
am the same age! And as to the rules, so many rules, and vampire
uniforms! Guys have long fancy cloaks that they are always tripping over
and as to the Girls uniform, it is a 18th C Nightdress! The old male
vampires expect a girl to walk about wearing just a see through
nightdress with no underwear on!! as if that is ever going to happen!,
they have seen far too many horror films! Life as a teenager is normally
a living hell but even more so when you have fangs. The world is just
out to get me, and not just by people trying to stake me because I have
better teeth than they do!
FANGS
RULE a girl’s guide to being a vampire …. is a young Adult book for
anyone between Puberty and Senility as it takes a close up look at life
as a female teenage vampire in easy to follow A to Z advice for the
reader, the book is also full of manga art which helps show the human
world what life is like in a vampire world……….
Giving helpful advice such as how to
explain to your Mom that as a teenage blood curdling denizen of the
night you would like to paint your cave bedroom black without having a
shouting match over why you don’t like the way she painted the
stalagmites bright pink to go with the large stuffed pink bats hanging
from the ceiling.
Everything is explained from how to
polish your fangs to fashion tips and ways of climbing across a ceiling
wearing a nightdress without showing your underwear.
Fangs Rule is a must for every teenage
vampire and from these pages you will see why Amy says “Vampires Don’t
Sparkle! …. They Bite!
Hi! My name is Amy Mah Vampire and here are some helpful hints from my book: Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to Being a Vampire
Going out on a date: Yes we all go
thought the same difficulties of what to wear, the wardrobe will not
shut but I still do not have anything suitable, so after hours of
searching in the end I decide to wear black as it will match my comfy
shoes, ok so I have more shoes than a dictators wife but only one comfy
pair and they are black, why comfy shoes? Well I have no idea where we
are going so what the heck should I wear!
Now comes the date bag, why can’t a girl
just go out, and when I say a girl I mean me, why do I have to look like
I’m going for a 10 day vacation and not just a night out.
So let’s open the date bag and check if everything is there. 1. Cell phone fully charged. 2. Spare cash and credit card. 3. Packet of mints for after eating smelly food….er…………foreigners 4. Chap stick ….well you may kiss him and …….. it goes with the mints ok? 5. Make up mirror, why take a mirror you
ask, ..er …well if I get ship wreaked I can use it to signal for help,
look it is just needed ok! 6. Packet of tissues just in case you cannot find a washroom when out. 7. Keys large bunch and no I do not know why luggage keys are on the same ring with my house keys. 8. Sun glasses, hat and 100% sun block just in case you stay out early. 9. A spare pair of panties in case I
sleep over ……… er not that I am planning to sleep over … er forget it
ok! Look I said stop giggling and forget it!!!! 10. Precautions and protection, nowadays
it is not just a boys reasonability for protection and so a girl should
also take her own protection if needed, personally I take a can of Mace
and a 10 inch kitchen knife and if that fails I sink my teeth into the
neck!
My thoughts: This
little book is going to be a hit with the young vampire readers. It's a
fun twist on the do's and don't's of and what it's like to be a
vampire. Set up as an A-Z guide, this book is filled with fantastic
illustrations and comical advice on everything from aging to zombies. I
enjoyed the handwritten look of the font. Thoughtfully put together.
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
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