Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
My last blog talked about terminology
I use in my books and that sometimes I have to explain what I mean when I say
things like “A Lazy Wind” or better still a saying I invented myself and that
is “A Male Wind”
Meaning a wind that has
one purpose in life and that is to get under your skirt or dress.
But today I was surprised at
finding a flip skirt game shown on Youtube, I talk of flipskirt being a male scoring
game at school in my books but no one every believed me it was real and not
something I just invented but here it is ok so a cartoon and video game but if
you search youtube I expect you can find lots of clips on it happening for real.
In my books I use lots of
stuff that I learned growing up and I wonder why it is just me that learned
some of the rules and not just the obvious ones that celebrities forget like
forgetting you are not wearing undies when you bend over to touch your toes in
front of 50 cameramen.
If you read my books you
will discover why some of the rules are there:
My book has been put to bed,
well other people are doing all kinds of stuff to it and I will not see it
until it is all bound in covers, kinda stressful ……….heck it is mega stressful
…..
Someone asked about
terminology …er…
….what ok well I was asked if
people would understand some of my comments and I don’t know, I understand the
meanings but then I’m a vampire and some of the human readers may need a help.
Simple everyday things one
can say like aircon nipples this must be so obvious that even a guy would
understand…..ok ok ok some guys may
understand so for the others take a look at this advert I found on car aircon
systems which personally I have never found one to do this to me …………… er…ok
perhaps the bra, top and thick coat I wear kinda make it work hard but you need
to dress up warmly to appreciate aircon.
Hotel aircon can do nippliy
things at times so this vampire has a wind proof shawl
car aircon nipples
In my books I talk of types
of wind and not just the sort you blame on the cat.
A Lazy wind
…………………. This is a wind that does not bother
to go around you but believes that the shortest route between A and B is
between my ribs.
A Male Wind
Come on you must know what
that is! It produces Marilyn Manrow moments and a mental check if you
remembered to wear panties today.
Look hot summer days and long
light dresses you may just like to be cool and enjoy ……..well you know what I
mean
And then comes along a male
wind ….yes it is male as all it wants to do is get under your dress ……….its
only purpose in life is to show the whole world that color of your undies if
any undies you are wearing.
Personally if I were to take
the risk of going pantieless I would have lead weights tied to the dress and
risk it taking some guys eye out in a strong gust ………well he should not have
been looking!
This is what I found on
Youtube
After All that you need a
good read so why not try my vampire book?
Najica Blitz Tactics is a cute story with lots of action mild violence so it is rated a children's Anime but it must be the only film that is supported and funded by the underwear industry take a look at the youtube link and then tell me the Japanese do not have a thing for looking up girls skirts !
I was told I should not talk of sex, religion and politics in my blog as it does not sell books………….. heck…….well without those headings my blogs could be very empty
Now this guy is hung like a horse !!!!
No Males slaves and Donkeys but a sexy horse rider……. Yes and who said a guy would not look if he had a chance ! I think this proved it !!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTufkNNTeMU
Sexy Candid Camera - The horse Rider 441
Ho I am sorry I forgot you guys out there that like the horse and not the girl then this is for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aou9zXFhSms
Sexy horses modeling on the catwalk live
I used to worry that being a blood drinking vampire and nicely dressed denizen of the night was ….well could be a little …..er………….odd sounding
But not anymore..Ever since I joined Facebook I now know I must be one of the sanest people on the planet! ………… Yee Gods are there some odd people on Facebook ……and when I say odd I mean ODD !!!!! ……………. Er…………if you are one of my friends on facebook ……….look I don’t mean you……… it is all the other we talk about when they are not on the wall.
Essa Faresyas i want to do sex with yo if yo like do yo sbek Arabic
This is the sort of stuff i get in my message on FB and and who the F*** is Essa Faresyas? what makes him think I can speak Arabic let alone want to have sex with someone whos first comment to me is ....wellread it yourself below and look him up, look Essa pull your pants back up, if you wish to please me buy a book !!!
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Essa Faresyas i want to do sex with yo if yo like
Ho yes and some of the nicest friendliest guys can normally be found in satanic groups, do not worry about the strange demonic names they have, as most are real gentlemen when it come to chatting with girls.
Now this is my normal moan which I have said here more than once, but heck I watch the news and they keep showing the stuff so I will keep repeating myself on what I see:-
I don’t care how devout a person says they are, or how may times they pray during the day if they then go out and kill innocent women and children in the name of any god I do not have the tendency to like them………sorry I can’t help it ………. But it is them personally and not their skin color or faith ……………..
Look I will say the same to all followers of Judaism, Christianity and Islam ………read the commandments …… ….there is no get out clause under the line saying Thou Shalt Not Kill ……………..
Perhaps some holy books have an extra bit added in ball point pen giving a sub clause saying that this does not cover killing people daring to eat chicken on a night of a full moon during a mouth with a R in its title ………………..
Is it just me or does anyone else worry about some of the wording, things like
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
COVERT? er............ (Longing to possess), sounds like a word meaning wanting to have sex. I can understand a God being a little pissed over someone screwing a neighbours male slave or donkey …. Well its so rude………. That’s only what you do after winning a war……… .but for the life of me I am at a loss of any perversion about people having sex with houses.......…horses maybe………well there are some lonely sad guys about but houses.............like how? .......... but then who am I to judge ….and well God says don’t do it anyway………..
So lets see what comments I get on todays blog……………….. and please come and buy a book or I will pick on you next time !!!!
Look I have favourite undies due to the fact they fit and like they don’t have the VPL problem unlike Guys whose favorite undies are the ones he wears to get laid ……… and look guys that is something you should never, never ever never never share with a girl that you hope to get lucky with……….. ok? ……..
That sort of information should always be a male secret like how many days of wearing the same socks does it take for them to stand up on their own………….
You may think of them as your lucky undies with what has happened to you while you were wearing them, but we will be thinking if you have washed them afterwards….. and if the bar patton with lines though it are a scoring system …………… like why tell us ?........ are we supposed to sign them afterwards for you as a conquest?............ or make a score on them for future girls to admire………. 7/10 for effort.
And like did he lose his virginity in them? And why would I want to know that? Well guys underwear look like they last for years so it is possible ……….
Well they do last and last …………I have often wondered do they add re enforced concrete to the material ……… well what about all that dick movement? And the playing of pocket pool movements that guys don’t think we see, shouldn’t that wear them out from the inside?
Female undies wear out and well they don’t always do this:
ANIME] My panties SNAPPED!
But it is possible, as they get weaker with wear, so yes some look cute and pretty and have little silk bows on them which come off in the wash …yes they do …and it is sooooo boring trying to sow them back on again………….
Female undies are designed to look nice and sexy and er….fall apart ……….of course I do have some very sexy black undies for special occasions that the only one to see so far is my cat.
Now did you know undies are also racial …….er………….. you don’t believe me? Well it is true!I stocked up on bras and panties when in SE Asia early this year as they fit !!!Having an Asian body means far more than a liking for rice.
Guys just don’t know the pleasure of finding a bra that fits and panties that are comfy, there are also some benefits of visiting a 60% Muslim country and that is buying swimming costumes that don’t go transparent when wet, nor do they sag in the wrong places ………well I don’t know what the micro bikinis they sell do apart from get you arrested for wearing them outside the house, as I just went for something to use in a swimming pool when back home……
……… no water is ok for vampires you are thinking of witches with bladder problems…………. Er …..you know a witch can not pass flowing water. ……
……….After a long cold drink I defiantly do not have any problems passing lots of flowing water …………….
Have all you noticed in Japanese Anime all girls show off there undies here take a look:
Panty Raid !
Anime Upskirts
I love the idea of some guy getting a real boner from a cartoon………… hehehehehehe …….kinda sad but harmless ………
….. Japanese clothing is good lined pants for warmth in winter and good fitting undies yes look at the anime ……...normal undies are worn…. So at least the kids watching it will not be expected to experience the joys of a cheese cutting wire of a thong that produces and then shows some very odd pressure lines after taking them off.
As I said in Japanese Anime they are wearing normal undies which is better than guys thinking a thong is something of comfort ………… er……it is not …sexy yes and good for VPL …..(Visible pantie line) problems with thin material but comfort is …..er……
……. how can one put it ……… when walking a thong can travel to places it should not ok………… er……look I like to wear my undies externally ………… and if normal walking can do that just think what happens in one of those gymnastic vampire film fights ……….. like no one ever says abut the visit to a gynecologist after a fight wearing a thong to have it surgically removed……………. Ouch………
Yes ok I do own a thong ……….. it is blue and and is good for the butt crack sort of show off jeans but not for showing anything else as standing in front of a mirror it looks more like a river running through a jungle ……er……………well it does ……..yes I know a guy would probably find it sexy but then we have already said about guys playing pocket pool when watching a upshot pic of a cartoon girl ………. Look guys think about it there is nothing …NOTHING …at all under the panties of a cartoon girl …………… Unless the artist is very good with anatomy …..i do mean nothing………. I know I am waisting my time in telling them but …heck it is so sad………..they should go take a long walk followed by a cold shower until they can mature for the real thing.
A Woman's Perspective on Underwear
hi just to remind my readers that I do book features on my blog, book advertising is always so expensive so I offer a free service My blog has over 43,000 hits and a large following, am what I do is lots of book features as well as life as a teenage vampire. Send me a book cover pic, book blurb and details on where it can be purchased along with author details and photo etc........ any thing that will make it good reading and i will do a book feature on it. my email is: amymahvampire@aol.com In return all I ask is that you help publicise my books in anyway you can such as also doing a feature on your blog on my books.
A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
To carry on with my little chats on my trip this year to SE Asia
Some times it is kinda nice being female.
If I was not female I could not have got away buying a nice light cotton dress and standing over a fan pretending to be Marilyn Manroe ……………yes I did and it was while I was over in Asia and ………….. it was just as much fun as when I used to do it as a child …….ok …..ok ………so I am a little old for doing that now……and perhaps home would have been a better place to do it……
But someone mounted a flat wall fan on the floor and well….
….and ok….yes I did get comments from the other shoppers…….….but hell on a hot sticky day in Asia that sort of breeze reaches parts that an ordinary hand held fan does not reach………and well it gets hot down there just the same as the rest of the body!… and I was careful to hold onto the dress …………. But it was nice………
Yes as I have been saying for the last few blogs being a vampire it is not always fun to visit hot countries in SE Asia …………….. Now I am used to discovering that I am a second class citizen due to my gender but to then find out that I am also a second class citizen due to my colour is a bit ……er……. Racist ……….. Ok so visiting the country I was born in I know it could be far worse at least I am not a third class Indian, a crazy white that people point at or worst of all black, which seeing the lack of darker skinned people even in the Capitol city could mean they are all stopped at customs….. Ye Gods are Malay racist and it is even written into the country law.Hehehe and no I am not joking !
Now seeing how fast China is becoming a world super power and buying up small counties for the mineral rights you would think it is not a good idea to have members of parliament not stand up and say it would be a good idea to send all Chinese decedents back to China……… huh ………as if we did not make up over 25 percent of the population in parts over 40 percent and we have been there for hundreds of years………… the doctored Malay history books don’t admit it but it is simple to see by the age of the Chinese temples.
The first wave of Chinese settlers came during the Malacca Empire in the early 15th century. The friendly diplomatic relations between China and Melaka culminated during the reign of Sultan Mansur Syah who married Hang Li Po from China. A senior minister of state and five hundred youth of noble births and handmaidens in waiting accompanied the princess to Malacca. The descendants of these people are called Baba (men) and Nyonya (women).
