joeybra a bra with a pocket!

JoeyBra

Wow I should get paid for my blogs

and so where is my free sample?

Only last week I was saying about getting a vibrating phone out of your panties as like where else can you put it……….besides you kinda notice if someone tried to steal it … especially if they had COLD hands !!!!!!

Now we have the JoeyBra

Take a look and tell me what you think

Have you ever had trouble wondering what to do with your phone, lipstick, or bank card when wearing a dress with no pockets? This Kickstarter project has got you covered. A duo from Seattle has invented a bra with a small underarm pocket for discretely storing everything from lipstick and gum to credit cards and iPhones. Meet the JoeyBra:

If you like this then take a look at my books on vampires 

www.fangsrule.com

er...why not and heck while you are at it buy one you can then keep it close to your heart in your very own Joeybra

First Date Bras, advice for guys on what goes where and why

First Date Bras !!!!!!!!!

Ok Guys here is some advice on the many types of bra

Front clasp: (also known as a front loader) don’t worry about trying to undo this as you will only make a mess of it, we would normally pop it open for you letting you think it has done it by itself or by magic.

Sports bra: no clasps so we will need to remove a top to take it off……… but don’t worry, they so flatten the boobs that they are not normally worn on a date.

Back Clasp: (Also known as a male created fastener and unless you are a monkey it takes lots of practise) this is the major one we will be talking about tonight.

You are on a date with a girl and the first base of kissing went better than you expected so you move on to second base and to your surprise she did not slap you, so it is now boob fondling time and the problem is that unless you are very lucky and she is not wearing one you as a guy will need to make the first move, and that is undoing it ……… yes you ……… you will know if she objects by little hints such as slamming her back against a wall and so breaking a few of your fingers. …..er…………also playing with it as if it is an elastic band when you are past the age of 14 is a no no ………….

How To Undo Her Bra With One Hand

Here are a few helpful hints

1. you know you are fumbling about for too long when the girls undoes it for you ……you wimp

‎2. if you have cold hands when on the back believe be when i say she will not let you go anywhere near her front

‎3. don't pull on the straps on at the time, so not a good idea as it is uncomfortable, look nature placed boobs on our front, trying to drag them about singlely by playing on the straps is not something that should be tried on the first date.

‎4. Any ideas on playing with the nipples should be left to at least a second date ………… as to flicking them, pinching prodding or biting should be my mutual agreement ……and no you can’t ask her! ………..  HMG if you can’t work this out forget about ever reaching 4^thbase! 

Personally in a relationship I am the only one allowed to bite and besides girls nipples are more sensitive than a guys so amusing games such as to pinching or flicking of a nipple where I am concerned means accidentally kneeing the guy in the nuts 3 – 4 times ………..well accidents do happen. 

5. On no account say anything about the marks left by the bra ……yes we already know that bras leave strap marks and so don’t need reminding.

6. If you still need instruction after you have reached Sophomore  .....er.............. give up !

Now that you can handle a bra try picking up a fun book to read

Sarcastic and cynical vampires all with good fitting bras ....yes even the male vampires have them..... 

OK we can them Helsings and they don't just give a little lift and support but as they are made of metal they are also silver bullet and wooden stake proof

www.fangsrule.com

Vampires in Bras and Thongs

To day I was looking at Vampire quotes and guess what I found myself!

Yes I am listed in lists of vampire quotes so a little bit of fame er…… weeeeeeeeeeeeee

But in saying that they do only have my biting and blood sucking types of quote.

My more interesting ones are on what type of bra to buy so that you can leap across rooftops without being constantly slapped in the face …. Please …   Please do not believe the Hollywood vampire female wear …

1.  long transparent nightdresses so long that can keep your feet warm are a no no as you always get them caught on a roof gargoyle getting them ripped and seeing Hollywood lets it be known that nightdresses are worn commando all you end up being know as is a roof top streaker ……besides its windy on a roof so most of the time you end up wearing it as a collar ………… and as for staring in a vampire film with your famous flying somersaulting skills then you have just made sure the movie is for Adult only !!! 

2.  Tight leather pants are all well and good but please make sure you can bend over in them without a ripping sound causing a new ventilation area to appear in them and the new worry about not bending over to pick up anything from the floor when near any passing werewolf unless you think you would like to give birth to a hybrid

3.  Thongs …………….hahahah yes do I really have to say they are so not a good idea as they may start out as exterior fitting but after a few leaps and kicks they will have moved on or should I say in ! Personally I am a little old fashioned and still like the idea of being able to remove my own undies without the help of a gynaecologist! 

Yes ok guys may say they are sexy but do you ever see them try fighting while wearing them and still be able to father children in the future!    

4. Bras …before you buy think about what you will be doing while wearing them and is it really fair that the only reason you win fights is that the opponent is more interested in what keeps popping out and bouncing up and down in front of his face to pay any attention on sword you have in your hands? Huh as if he has even noticed you have hands let alone what is in them

Like what you have read? then come visit my website

http://www.fangsrule.com 

Bras that give you BIG BOOBS !!!!!!!!

Bras and Boobs

Ok what is it? Why am I getting these adverts sent to me?

These have just popped up on my facebook page adverts section and it seams Facebook is  saying ……………..

…………… Amy Mah is in need of help in the boob dept !   

Well thank you for your concern facebook advertising dept but no, I am quite happy with what I have, they may not win any size records, but hell they are real and natural looking !!!!!

OK so I don’t fall over every time I stand up but they are fine………….so they would be it you did not keep sending me these adverts and making me so self conscious  !

CLICK BELOW FOR MORE

My book trailer :::::::::::::::

Sex on an Aircraft

We all remember the adds about the wonder bra ……………. When I first saw one it ran away and hid under the counter knowing that with my assets it would have to work far too hard to make any difference………….. But has anyone seen this?

It is called a     ……….. Miracle body-shaper ………and it promises perfect hour-glass figure

Does your tummy look more Christmas pud than pancake flat? You could always invest in Ultimo's latest body-shaping underwear, which claims to increase your chest by two cup sizes - and slim down the waist and stomach.

Described as the world's most advanced underwear.

The V-shape body also features a thong bottom to avoid visible lines and perspex straps for wearing under revealing party dresses.

Has anyone tried one?.............  up two cup sizes? ………. So I can at long last move up from preteen tops and trainer bras!................ok…….. ok ….an exaggeration ………...but over developed I am not ……………. ……..

Well the button thong is a good idea I have worn things that have put me on a waterless diet for fear of ever succeeding in getting a fashionably item off in time before I find out if it is waterproof or not ………….. some washrooms have such tiny cubicles that for the nose you are making getting everything off in a hurry..well ………. it sounds like you are practicing for the mile high club,,,…………..  Mile high club? ……….. Er ……..that’s means having sex on an aircraft over 1 mile high and in the tiny washroom cubicle it can not be fun ………….No I Have Not………Or Plan to!   Before you ask!!!  Just what would happen if you got pregnant?   My maid Bambi was conceived while her parents watched (er….didn’t watch) the Disney film of the same name. Just what would you name the child?  PanAir 747 economy class?  Just think how they would suffer at school.   

Click here........>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm

Breaking in a new bra.

Breaking in a new bra.

A bra should be comfortable the instant you put it on, it is not like a horse you should not need to break it in…………… heck it not that I have that much to go in it!

First time on and I now have a spot where the right strap digs in at the back… and it hurts………. Why the heck get a spot there? …………. Anywhere else on the back would have been fine.

The first person to say hormones, I will bite them! .ok!

Also comments like you need some sunshine will get a similar response:

1. It is January.

2. I am a vampire…………. Sun bathing is not one of our normal activities ………. Ok? …………… stupid…………..

I have said it once I will say it again why the heck doesn’t a girls body come with a manual.

If it was not for Google search I would spend most of my time pinning a doctor to the wall by his dick and snarling ‘ What do you mean mood swings are normal, and What mood swings, I DON’T HAVE MOOD SWINGS!!!!’

Why was the bra designed by a man! A woman would know what it should do better than any man…………… only a man would fit all the controls on the back!

And don’t start me off on invisible straps, it just means clear plastic and red lines as they cut into the flesh.

Buying a bra always reminds me of two girl shopping and as one girl tries on a very expensive bra she asks her friend what she thinks and the friend says it looks perfect for tonight’s party…………..where as the first girl says “Yes but will it make all the men admire me……….. will it attract the man of my dreams …………… will he scope me up in his arm and ask me to marry him?………..will he want me to have his children? …………..”

The friend thinks hard then answers………I  think you are asking a awful lot from a bra ……….. er  ………shall we start with comfort first ……… .how does it feel?.  

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Just because I am a vampire it does not mean I don’t do girl shopping and now with 24hr shopping vampires can join in searching for bargains in the new year sales during the hours of darkness.

Took my maid BAMBI with me as I and still not allowed out un chaperoned,  I have told you about her before she is a turnling ……….ex-human ……….. like shes Undead ok what humans think all vampire are, fangs and boobs……….. never ageing and with a hair style that stays looking perfect even in a force 10 gale…. Makes you sick don’t it............... er well nearly .......... You have the same hairstyle as on the day you died and Bambi ........... well Bambi was gonig to have her hair done the next day.............. er .............too late.......... her picture is below: 

Why called Bambi? …….well she says it was because she was conceived during a Walt Disney film of the same name in a drive in theatre and who am I to question that, if it has to be anywhere then during a drive in Walt Disney film is as good a time and place as any. 

Any way she loves going shopping as it means freedom from the nest for a few hours, plus she like the way I leave my purse on full display on top of the shopping waiting for some guy to snatch it and run off  …………….. it is always so much fun to build up an appetite chasing ones lunch and I let her join in, it is a rush as we cant be seen eating in public so we both spend the rest of the time shopping trying not to burp.

Thinking of things as we shop took my mind to a gift I had recently from my Aunt……. As I was complaining about all my underwear having small pink bats on them she got me a pack of something called Collage Girl Specials…………….. A pack of 5 panties with days of the week on them …………….. Er…………. Why five? ……….what am I to do on Saturday and Sunday!!!  …………….

As to why have days of the week on them………...What is the point? ……….. if I don’t know what day it is I will ask someone and not life up my skirt to check !!!!!!!!!

If the manufactures wanted to be really helpful then they would print numbers and do a pack of 31 as knowing days of the month is far more useful to a girl than knowing days of the week! …………

BAMBI

Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

And sometime the question is how!

All girls know that when buying a bra it should come with free yoga classes!

Heck first it is the struggle to do them up and then struggle to then get them comfy ……….. all controls being placed at the back …out of sight and sometimes out of reach!

If it was just that then I wouldn’t moan so much …………. But what about zips !!!!

You name the hardest parts of your body to reach and some smart arse designed will place a zip there! 

Look I am a vampire not a monkey ! 12 inches of zip running down your back takes two hands, a flexible spine and a great deal of imagination to find let alone undo.

Males only ever have the maximum of two zips to deal with…………. One placed near where there hands go to scratch and the other under the chin on some tops………. So easy to remember, everything is between chin and dick, and if they still can’t find them they can look in a mirror! ……………… all other zips fitted in Males clothes are just for decoration as no Male will ever use them.

Zips on female trousers can be anywhere, side or even at the back! Ok so you get nice a smooth look at the front but it forces you to sit on a chuck of metal at the back.

Just don’t get me started on sizes or changing rooms I can come out of a changing room take a look in a mirror and still hear by aunts comments from childhood……… It looks lovely dear, it’s the only size they have and I expect you will grow into it !! ……… school kids can be very cruel on a girl trying hard to grow into her clothes.

So to finish off I would just like to say I have just finished putting on my skin tight one piece fighting suit and true it looks very sexy but would like to say to the designer that I am dying to go to the bathroom and I still have not worked out how to get out of it without using a can opener……………. I am now reading the instructions to see if it is water proof !!!!