Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
Dating a Werewolf? Forget it! OK I may sound a little specie-ist what with being a vampire and all and we are always told off for putting Werewolves down (Good Idea) but some talk goes around that it would be cool to date one of these fire rugs, well forget it.
OK so they would enjoy long romantic walks. +
Sex, they will be the only ones howling with pleasure -
You would have to give him a worming tablet before you kissed him –
At the end of a date he would not want to kiss you but hump your leg! -
Getting real close means sharing not only a fresh kill but also his flies and lice -
He will have a criminal record for being arrested for public displays of nudity, when Weres un-were they no longer have a fur coat. -
As to sleeping with him males are bad when they are just eating biscuits in bed (crumbs yuk!) he will leave half a deer dripping over your best black silk sheets. -
He will also moult so it you have any dust allergies you will discover the only thing he will excite you to do is sneeze! -
So when the next werewolf you meet asked do you have any werewolf in you and when you say no he then says would you like some and gives a large grin …. BITE HIM !
Well I don’t but I do have a male / female relationship with my computer and it is definitely Male!
No I am not going to go on about it being dumb stupid and unfaithful like guys…………. But it is so true………….
Why is it male ……………. God that is so obvious
No matter what it tells you it can do……….. In real life it can only do one thing at the time and then you have to watch it while it is doing that or it will do it wrong!
As soon as you leave the room it stops and waits till you come back to carry on.
I am sure mine spends its down time off and scanning porn sites looking for the latest case less HP computer with its components hanging out showing them all lite up with pretty red diodes ……. The sluts ………. Like does it ever show the slightest interest with what I wear!
As to perversions It is always wanting me to help it stick some male part of its anatomy into any passing reproductive copier……………
Hardwear!!!! you are joking its hardware will not do anything until you have spent hours playing with its software that by the time the hardware says it is working you are no longer in the mood.
If I get a virus I still have to work on but hell no my machine is male ….one little virus and it has man flu …………… it may as well be dead for all the use it is as it only wants it sit in some sick bed of a workshop and be waited on by repair staff………that charge lots to say no nothing is wrong with it ……………its working fine now…..perhaps it only needed a rest ……….see MALE !!! Nothing wrong with it just wanted me to worry that it was ill !
Just look what someone just sent me by email, he yes it was a he sent me this article and here I am wondering just what he is doing reading this sort of stuff in the first place, I know a clear case of Virginal envy! Well I learned a few new things from it ………. 8000 nerve endings ! ……wow……… and a guy has only 4000 and some religions even cuts some of them off! Yes guys you are sometimes a little stupid ………………………. heheheheh did i say little stupid ...........er................. mega dumb !!!!
What’s up down there?
Last month, I finally finished my 20-city book tour to promote What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend (Woo-hoo! Trumpets blare! Cymbals crash! Phew). But I realized that I never posted a juicy post that I wrote in the fall at the beginning of the tour... and gals, is it a good one. Did you hear the story of how CBSNews.com asked me to write this post -- "15 Crazy Things About Vaginas" -- for their website on the launch day of my book? They had posted "15 Crazy Things About Sperm" and it was wildly popular. So they figured they'd play nice in the sandbox and give us girls our time in the limelight.
And then, after it had been up on their website for about an hour, some suit in corporate made them pull it.
"Too saucy." You can read the whole crazy-making story here.
Anyway, I never did get around to posting what I wrote for them. So here you go.
To help out, I've compiled a few things you may not know about the female genitalia.
Pubic hair is not just a biological accident that forces us to the waxing salon. It serves three critical functions. First, it protects the delicate vagina. Second, it serves as a reproductive billboard to alert potential mates that you are biologically (if not emotionally) prepared to procreate. And last, it's a pheromone carpet and traps the scents that lead potential mates to the promised land. So you might think twice before you shave it all off. It's there for a reason. Embrace it.
There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to female pleasure. The penis only has 4000. Who says God didn't take care of us girls?
The average vagina is 3-4 inches long, but fear not if your guy is hung like a horse. The vagina can expand by 200% when sexually aroused, kind of like a balloon. Remember, the vagina was made to birth babies, so it's exceedingly elastic. If you have pain when getting it on with someone large, you can use dilators to help stretch the vagina so you can accommodate the whole package.
The vagina doesn't connect to the lung. While the vagina can expand, it's not an open conduit to the abdominal cavity. While microscopic sperm can swim through a tiny hole in the cervix, a tampon simply won't fit. So if you lose something in there, don't worry. Reach in all the way and pull it out. Do not -- I repeat, do not -- go hunting for whatever you've lost with a pair of pliers. Think of your vagina as being like a sock. If you lose a banana in a sock...it stays in the sock.
Yes, it's true -- your vagina can fall out. Not to belabor the sock metaphor, but it can turn inside out just like a worn out sweat sock and hang between your legs as you get older. But don't fret; this condition -- called pelvic prolapse -- can be fixed.
Vaginas have something in common with sharks. Both contain squalene, a substance that exists in both shark livers and natural vaginal lubricant. (Cue music: "She's a maneater...")
You can catch sexually transmitted diseases even if you use a condom. Sorry to break it to you, but the skin of the vulva can still touch infectious skin of the scrotum -- and BAM! Warts. Herpes. Molluscum contagiosum. Pubic lice. So pick your partners carefully.
The average length of the labia minora is less than ¾ inch long (yes, someone got out a ruler and measured 2981 women). Only 1.8% of women have labia longer than 1 ½ inches. But remember, every vulva is different and special. Some lips hang down. Some are tucked up neatly inside. Some are long. Some are short. Some are even. Some aren't. All are beautiful. You're perfect just the way you are.
While hair on your head can live up to seven years, pubic hair has a life expectancy of about three weeks, which is why it only grows so long. So don't worry if you opt not to groom your pubes -- you won't need to braid them any time soon.
The word "vagina" comes from the Latin root meaning "sheath for a sword," which may explain why some women simply hate the word. So if you don't like the word "vagina," pick your own name for your girly parts. Just call it something and don't be afraid to talk about it.
Only about 30% of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where the action is. Most women who do orgasm during sex have figured out how to hit their sweet spot, either from positioning or from direct stimulation of the clitoris with fingers.
Increasing evidence suggests that the G spot feels good because it lies right over a deep part of the clitoris. Although experts describe the G spot as being inside the vagina on the anterior wall, just under the urethra, the crura of the clitoris actually runs right there. And a recent study demonstrated that vaginal orgasms may actually be deep clitoral orgasms. But who cares? An orgasm is an orgasm. Appreciate it, regardless of where it comes from.
Vaginal farts (some call them "queefs" or "varts") happen to almost all women at one time or another, especially during sex or other forms of exercise. So don't be embarrassed if your hooha lets out a toot. You're perfectly normal.
Some women do ejaculate during orgasm, but you're normal if you don't. The controversial "female ejaculation" most likely represents two different phenomena. If it's a small amount of milky fluid, it likely comes from the paraurethral glands inside the urethra. If it's a cup, it's probably pee. Many times, it may be a little bit of both. But don't stress out about peeing on yourself. Put a towel under you and surrender to the experience.
Safe sex (or even just orgasm alone) is good for you. Benefits include lowering your risk of heart disease and stroke, reducing your risk of breast cancer, bolstering your immune system, helping you sleep, making you appear more youthful, improving your fitness, regulating menstrual cycles, relieving menstrual cramps, helping with chronic pain, reducing the risk of depression, lowering stress levels, and improving self esteem. So go at it, girlfriends!
There you go. There you have it. It's important to know this kind of stuff, because you can't truly love all of yourself until you love and understand your girly parts. We talk about the eyeball or the elbow or the big toe. Why not talk about the vagina? Plus, the vagina is way more interesting than the pinky finger or the belly button. The vagina is the creator of life and the portal of pleasure. But it's also where we carry many traumas -- menstrual cramps, childbirth trauma, molestation, rape, abortion, and painful gynecological exams. If we don't release these traumas, they back up and manifest in a whole host of health conditions like depression and chronic pelvic pain. We must talk about our girly parts to liberate them.
The more we know, the more we're empowered to live life out loud, love fully, and really rock this life. * * *
So there you have it.
Can you believe that these 15 facts caused such a hullaballoo? What do you think? Did you learn anything new? Have any more fun vajayjay facts to share? What do you think about how "sperm trumps vagina" and that this article was pulled? (It still rattles me...)
I had such a great time on tour talking with women about their yonis, these sacred sources of vitality and power. Big hugs to everyone whom I met on tour, who has read What's Up Down There, and who continues to bring vaginas out of the closet!
I was told I should not talk of sex, religion and politics in my blog as it does not sell books………….. heck…….well without those headings my blogs could be very empty
Now this guy is hung like a horse !!!!
No Males slaves and Donkeys but a sexy horse rider……. Yes and who said a guy would not look if he had a chance ! I think this proved it !!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTufkNNTeMU
Sexy Candid Camera - The horse Rider 441
Ho I am sorry I forgot you guys out there that like the horse and not the girl then this is for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aou9zXFhSms
Sexy horses modeling on the catwalk live
I used to worry that being a blood drinking vampire and nicely dressed denizen of the night was ….well could be a little …..er………….odd sounding
But not anymore..Ever since I joined Facebook I now know I must be one of the sanest people on the planet! ………… Yee Gods are there some odd people on Facebook ……and when I say odd I mean ODD !!!!! ……………. Er…………if you are one of my friends on facebook ……….look I don’t mean you……… it is all the other we talk about when they are not on the wall.
Essa Faresyas i want to do sex with yo if yo like do yo sbek Arabic
This is the sort of stuff i get in my message on FB and and who the F*** is Essa Faresyas? what makes him think I can speak Arabic let alone want to have sex with someone whos first comment to me is ....wellread it yourself below and look him up, look Essa pull your pants back up, if you wish to please me buy a book !!!
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Essa Faresyas i want to do sex with yo if yo like
Ho yes and some of the nicest friendliest guys can normally be found in satanic groups, do not worry about the strange demonic names they have, as most are real gentlemen when it come to chatting with girls.
Now this is my normal moan which I have said here more than once, but heck I watch the news and they keep showing the stuff so I will keep repeating myself on what I see:-
I don’t care how devout a person says they are, or how may times they pray during the day if they then go out and kill innocent women and children in the name of any god I do not have the tendency to like them………sorry I can’t help it ………. But it is them personally and not their skin color or faith ……………..
Look I will say the same to all followers of Judaism, Christianity and Islam ………read the commandments …… ….there is no get out clause under the line saying Thou Shalt Not Kill ……………..
Perhaps some holy books have an extra bit added in ball point pen giving a sub clause saying that this does not cover killing people daring to eat chicken on a night of a full moon during a mouth with a R in its title ………………..
Is it just me or does anyone else worry about some of the wording, things like
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
COVERT? er............ (Longing to possess), sounds like a word meaning wanting to have sex. I can understand a God being a little pissed over someone screwing a neighbours male slave or donkey …. Well its so rude………. That’s only what you do after winning a war……… .but for the life of me I am at a loss of any perversion about people having sex with houses.......…horses maybe………well there are some lonely sad guys about but houses.............like how? .......... but then who am I to judge ….and well God says don’t do it anyway………..
So lets see what comments I get on todays blog……………….. and please come and buy a book or I will pick on you next time !!!!
Now I don't know who this is but she looks like she will not be short of Guys wanting to have her as a pet.
Today I am going to talk about Furries…………. People that dress up in animal costumes ……………. They say it is to let the inner animal inside of everyone freedom to express themselves in todays world.
Don’t get me wrong it sounds fun to get a padded bra and to dress up in a sexy cat suit ……….but well ………………
I had not thought about adding a large cats head to it …………….. going to conventions is also ok but having sex dressed as a animal ……………….. it has sooooooooooooooo never crossed my mind ……………..
HMG .........i have just discovered all this stuff via Youtube on the world of furries .............. see i said you humans were ....er...........an interesting sort of animal to study ............. as I have said before being a teenage vampire I am the sanest one around here ................
It is all over the place and I have never heard of it before !!!
Look it is true I have never heard of this furrie stuff !! shit I so innocent at times ............ people do it wearing a fur costume? ................. like going all the way while dressed as a cat...........................
now I like cats ………… but well not in that way!
Now don't you ever .............. ever complain about my blogs being far fetched ...................I agree wearing black undies is sexy .................. but over a fur suit !?!
Sex …….full sex in fur !!!
For it to work you must be naked under the fur and have openings in intimate places ......................buttoned? zipped or just open to give your private places some fresh air
…….well a fur suit must get hot and Mom always said it is rude to start scratching down there due to the heat…….. even dressed as a dog……….. does the fur costume have pockets? .......if not where does the guy keep the condoms? ..........
Well do you wish to explain to your kids the reason you don't know who their father is because all you know is his name is FIDO from his collar disc, has pointed ears, soft brown fur you just liked the way he sniffed your butt at a party and took you doggy style giving out a very loud howl of pleasure.
Mind you it could be the reason your kids always have nice cold noses and get plenty of exercise by chasing the neighborhood cat.
I think I will just stay being a vampire thank you.
A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
