Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
You will see pics of naked girls in the snow thinking that they look good, cool and sexy and how nice it would be in the snow……er…………….
Nude Sexy Girls On Snow
…..and this is not at all what I see in them …………. Snow is cold and damp and gives you a chill and as to sitting butt naked in snow the only body sensation you will get is frostbite and an urgent need to pee……………and hoping you don’t get icicles …………. .. look you try getting panties that will fit over icicles! well it is cold !!!
This could be the reason that more men explore Antarctica then women, they can use a bottle where as for a girl……………
……….. ok ask anyone that has gone skiing why a girl has to start queuing for the toilet long before she wants to go, this is due to the time it takes to remove coats and jumpers in fact almost everything to free the straps on the salopettes and you still have not reached the thermal undies ………
…….. guys so have it too easy …………… the whole world is a washroom if you are a guy.................
… and as to sex in the snow ………………
………… hahahahahaha ……..a male fantasy …………yea right like that is so going to work ………….in your dreams guys
like if it take 45 min to just take a piss in a restaurant washroom …………..nothing and I mean nothing is ever going to happen on a ski slope that can not be done fully dressed!
I live in a cold country and I know what snow is like, walking about in just your undies ! look i may be mad but I am not that mad !!!!!!!!!!!
My Panties! And I am thinking of putting them on ebay from the number of guys asking to see them!
And yes it is true I do own black panties with pink bats on them to go with my pink bat family brand and no I am not telling you where it is but the panties help cover it !!! hehehehehe ............. Well do you think I could offer them for sale along with a signed book, well make me an offer .... and they could be yours ...er size Small if that is of interest black with 3 pink bats on front.
My Black sexy vampire panties ……….no we don’t all where thongs ! you just try leaping cross roof tops wearing a thong….I dare you !
Always carry Spare Panties !
Do you want to know what my vampire book is about?
Well here is a taste of what to expect.
helpful hints from my book:
Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to Being a Vampire
Going out on a date.
Yes we all go thought the same difficulties of what to wear, the wardrobe will not shut but I still do not have anything suitable, so after hours of searching in the end I decide to wear black as it will match my comfy shoes, ok so I have more shoes than a dictators wife but only one comfy pair and they are black, why comfy shoes? Well I have no idea where we are going so what the heck should I wear!
Now comes the date bag, why can’t a girl just go out, and when I say a girl I mean me, why do I have to look like I’m going for a 10 day vacation and not just a night out. So lets open the date bag and check if everything is there.
1. Cell phone fully charged.
2. Spare cash and credit card.
3. Packet of mints for after eating smelly food….er…………foreigners
4. Chap stick ….well you may kiss him and …….. it goes with the mints ok?
5. Make up mirror, why take a mirror you ask, ..er …well if I get ship wreaked I can use it to signal for help, look it is just needed ok!
6. Packet of tissues just in case you can not find a washroom when out.
7. Keys large bunch and no I do not know why luggage keys are on the same ring with my house keys.
8. Sun glasses, hat and 100% sun block just in case you stay out early.
9. A spare pair of panties in case I sleep over ……… er not that I am planning to sleep over … er forget it ok! Look I said stop giggling and forget it!!!!
10. Precautions and protection, nowadays it is not just a boys responsibility for protection and so a girl should also take her own protection if needed, personally I take a can of Mace and a 10 inch kitchen knife and if that fails I sink my teeth into the neck!
The book: FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a vampire …. is a young Adult book for anyone between Puberty and Senility as it takes a close up look at life as a female teenage vampire in easy to follow A to Z advice for the reader.
Giving helpful advice such as how to explain to your Mom that as a teenage blood curdling denizen of the night you would like to paint your cave bedroom black without having a shouting match over why you don’t like the way she painted the stalagmites bright pink to go with the large stuffed pink bats hanging from the ceiling.
Everything is explained from how to polish your fangs to fashion tips and ways of climbing across a ceiling wearing a nightdress without showing your underwear.
Fangs Rule is a must for every teenage vampire and from these pages you will see why “Vampires Don’t Sparkle! …. They Bite
I’m still looking for a guy he has to be Rich, 6 ft 2 tall, blond with a six pack body and hung like a horse is not asking too much is it ?See I only have simple needs ………ho well …..Perhaps one day ……sigh………. Look ok he can dye his hair blond as to height, he has to be taller than me as I want someone who can reach the top shelf in supermarkets……….. er…….. well I can also drop the 6 pack idea but not fat, and he must be able to open jars, twist lids my butt they must glue the things on.
He still must be rich and older than me, and if he does not have a horse in his ancestry then he had better make up for it in presents of expensive jewellery.
I always have lots of questions but it is often hard to find answers to them, like when I ask things about Guys and I get some very odd looks and answers …………. Well I would not have asked if I knew now would I? ………I innocently ask one little question on Facebook and then I go red from the replies I get, I did tell you that guys send me photos of their dicks didn’t I, and I so wish they wouldn’t, a bit of mystery around that part of the male body is fine by me and stops me asking them if they have seen a doctor about it.
Maverick Football Locker Room Going Off
I have questions like do Guys look at other Guys naked bodies? they are always getting naked together and you hear about what they get up to in the showers and locker rooms, I expect they don’t mind being naked together as most of a guys body is on display like on the beach and only a small part of their body they keep covered…………. And in some cases a very disappointingly small part it is too………. Movies always show the games of flicking bare butts with towels and play fights in the showers over the soap……is it true?
What do they talk about when they are showering together? Girls and sport I expect, what about other stuff guys do …er….you know …
……. Do they all walk about the changing rooms with a towel hanging over their dicks to show its load bearing ability by pretending to be a piece of bathroom furniture, ………. huh ………….now if they had a 2lb box of chocs hanging off it ……well that would be far more interesting !
Look I am interested that’s all …………. Nothing wrong with that now is there.
My publisher often give me blog ideas and this one came up when he was telling me about steam rooms (Turkish baths) and that the big football players wear a see though plastic top and pants with elastic cuffs ………..the reason being they can sweat far more due to the plastic……I asked what they looked like and my publisher said it had put him off ever eating boiled chicken again.
He that is my publisher is mad…………… well he must be as he thinks I am normal ………..hahahahaha …like he reads my books and still thinks I am normal! now I worry what his other authors must be like if he thinks I’m normal!
I said he has lots of good ideas why not do his own blog …………. But he says he could not get away with what I say and he has a wife and goldfish to think of………
GOLDFISH !!!!! they are not goldfish he has piranha ! pet piranha ………….. like no one should have pets that have better teeth than me ……………….. it was partly my fault as I was teaching him about Fung Shui ……..told him about things to have in his office ….a stature of a warrior god and fish ……………..Soooooooooo what does he do, he has put weapons up on the wall …………and has a real samurai sword …………now that is mega cool ……………vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv sharp and light …….I can swing it about with one hand…………….. er ……..yes we do have interesting business meetings …………… forget the European swords that I can not even lift ….a samurai sword I now my weapon of choice.
Piranha-bite test
River Monsters: Bathing with Piranhas
And a large fish tank ……….with flesh eating fish ……………….if you wash the BBQ sauce of a spare rib they love it, yes I have tried, I dropped it in from a height as I have seen too many horror films to get fingers too close to them……..he feeds them on scraps from the table and it is so much fun watching them fight over a chicken leg.
I do wonder about what his other authors make of his Fung Shui office ……………. Iexpect if they take too long signing a contract he would start finding the fish…………
Why am I talking about my publisher ..well he asked me to plug ….er..sorry ……. Tell you of a new book he is just publishing.
Dr. Edward A. Wilson (1872-1912) is widely regarded as one of the finest artists ever to have worked in the Antarctic. Sailing with Captain Scott aboard 'Discovery' (1901-1904), he became the last in a long tradition of 'exploration artists' from an age when pencil and water-colour were the main methods of producing accurate scientific records of new lands and animal species. He combined scientific, topographical and landscape techniques to produce accurate and beautiful images of the last unknown continent. Such was the strength of his work that it also helped to found the tradition of modern wildlife painting. In particular Wilson captured the essence of the flight and motion of Southern Ocean sea-birds on paper. Returning with Captain Scott aboard 'Terra Nova' (1910-1913) as Chief of Scientific Staff, he continued to record the continent and its wildlife with extraordinary deftness. Chosen to accompany Captain Scott to the South Pole, his last drawings are from one of the most famous epic journeys in exploration history. Along with his scientific work, Wilson's pencil recorded the finding of Roald Amundsen's tent at the South Pole by Captain Scott. Wilson died, along with the other members of the British Pole Party, during the return journey, in March 1912. Many of the images in this book are rarely seen or are previously unpublished. The drawings and paintings were created at considerable personal cost in the freezing conditions in which Wilson worked. He often suffered severely from the cold whilst sketching and also from snow-blindness, or sunburn of the eye. They provide a remarkable testament to one of the great figures of the heroic age of Antarctic exploration. The book has been produced as a companion volume to 'Edward Wilson's Nature Notebooks' by two of Wilson's great nephews, to mark the centenary of his death.
Ok, like what is it with me and getting naked all the time? When on my vacation to visit family in SE Asia I found a cultural difference and as I have said before the colour of your skin no way helps keep you safe from the local water bugs………….. I may be the same colour …..Well slightly lighter ………… think about it I’m a vampire we don’t do sun bathing ! But then nor do my human relations ……..so just over a handful of degrees above the equator and one never sees sunlight as one never goes out in the sun ………
An old song “Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the sun” ………………… well Chinese in hot countries never go out in sunshine as it would make the skin dark and no one would want to marry a girl with a tan ………..well at least they have stopped with foot binding.
You will see I sometimes get confused with saying them or we and that is because I am confused over what I am ……..as I have said before in colour and looks I am Chinese but have never been to china ……………
Anyway I like to have a go at most things and so my Aunts suggested a trip to a Chinese doctor when I was feeling down with the heat and effort of thinking of ways not to meet nice young men that my Aunts had found for me…some days I thought I was wearing a for sale sign on me………..
All I know of Chinese medicine is that it tastes so bad you quickly get better so you can stop taking it …………… One sort I tried in the past had the extra bonus of cleaning out my bowels so well I went down a dress size.
As with everything I decide to try, I notice that it will mean removing my clothes in front of strangers …………..and no amount of wise words of well we are all the same there is no need to be shy will make up for the fact that it is normally me naked then others are dressed!
I have heard of cupping and scrapping before…. Film stars in Hollywood have it done, and you can always tell by the strange marks on them that look like they have been attacked by an octopus ……………. When I saw what was going to happen …….like being shown the torture instruments in case I may not notice what was happening while I am facedown naked on a table with just a thin curtain between me and someone buying rhino horn or such like.
I ask the important part ….no not the price…… like will it hurt? …………
One of my Aunts helps put my mind at rest (huh) saying:
How will I cope with child birth if I can’t suffer a little pain……………….
CHILDBIRTH !!!!!! at what part of my vacation is that planned for ??????????? ……….that’s it no way am I meeting any more nice young men!
I found this clip on Youtube:………….Reasons NOT to wear a condom …….. funny ………….
Now this is sad!No Condom - Very Funny Video ………but still funny
No Worry over guys wanting to take you to bed once you had some cupping done you look like you have already been ravaged by a demon …………. Well in my case my fangs and burning red eyes would stop any Guy doing anything without a please my permission.
So there I was laying naked on a table……………. Er…. No I still do not know why naked when it is just my back that is being done ………….. Come to that I do not know why I can’t keep my bra on! Ok I would let her undo the strap but I would still have material between me and the plastic table …………….
I think my next Vacation should be to a nudist resort there at least it will not be just me naked…………… look I don’t even walk about naked at home……… er …well yes well my cat is male and he kinda gives me funny looks if I walk about fur less ………
So the cupping is done and at the start it is ok ….no pain ….kinda niceish ……………….little glass jars are used and something is burnt in them and they are placed on my back……………….
Special points on the back like acupuncture …………. Can I tell you more……..er….no I am laying naked on a table face down and all I can see is the one on my shoulder as it begins to suck up the skin and the skin turns red and ….ouch …… yes the pain starts as the skin on my back is sucked up into little jars ……………. I am sure I have seen horror movies with this in it, at this point I should be saved by some tall blond haired hunk of a man .but no …………. And my silent screams of agony are only meet by looks of disapproval from my aunt…… ok so they are so much as silent more like semi muffled screams!
It HURTS !!!! and I can’t move ….. This is now getting even more like a horror movie all I need now is Dr Frankenstein asking for a lighting machines to be attached and a hunch back saying yesss masterrr with a lisp.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the relief as they are popped off to be finished by some scrapping …………. It helps bring blood to the surface and you can see the results in the photos I have added ………….like makes you look like you have been dragged naked over sandpaper …………..
I know it is cultural and so must be ok ………. Look so is being kissed as a greeting in Europe
………. And why did no one tell me it did not involve tongues until after ……….. well ………
….. I suspected it should have limitations when the guy finished off the greeting by groping my butt …
……….. it was only then my girlfriend told me it should just be the cheeks ……… ha ha …yes very funny ……….but I still have his phone number if I ever go back to France.
Then comes the problem in dressing like it is too painful to wear a bra for the next day or so ……….. ok so in my case no one will notice.
What does it feel like afterwards? Well in fact it feels fantastic like the best massage you could ever hope for ……………. You feel so relaxed you could flow across the floor like water …………………… okokokso it feels fantastic afterwards but as to next time let me first try and forget the pain factor.
