HOT NAKED VAMPIRES!
Well warm and scantally clad
Click to see book details:
Amy Mah is a snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who writes of her life as a modern Vampire and whose books can be seen at: www.FangsRule.com or on Amazon her first book is self help guide called: Fangs Rule a girls guide to being a vampire from Reardon Publishing and is available as full colour paperback, Kindle; E Book. Amy also written VAMPIRE where you read of her problems of living her life as a blood chilling denizen of the night. Later this year her book on sexy Demons will be published
Showing posts with label blood the last vampire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blood the last vampire. Show all posts
Monday, October 1, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Vampires in Bras and Thongs
To day I was looking at Vampire quotes and guess what I found myself!
Yes I am listed in lists of vampire quotes so a little bit of fame er…… weeeeeeeeeeeeee
But in saying that they do only have my biting and blood sucking types of quote.
My more interesting ones are on what type of bra to buy so that you can leap across rooftops without being constantly slapped in the face …. Please … Please do not believe the Hollywood vampire female wear …
1. long transparent nightdresses so long that can keep your feet warm are a no no as you always get them caught on a roof gargoyle getting them ripped and seeing Hollywood lets it be known that nightdresses are worn commando all you end up being know as is a roof top streaker ……besides its windy on a roof so most of the time you end up wearing it as a collar ………… and as for staring in a vampire film with your famous flying somersaulting skills then you have just made sure the movie is for Adult only !!!
2. Tight leather pants are all well and good but please make sure you can bend over in them without a ripping sound causing a new ventilation area to appear in them and the new worry about not bending over to pick up anything from the floor when near any passing werewolf unless you think you would like to give birth to a hybrid
3. Thongs …………….hahahah yes do I really have to say they are so not a good idea as they may start out as exterior fitting but after a few leaps and kicks they will have moved on or should I say in ! Personally I am a little old fashioned and still like the idea of being able to remove my own undies without the help of a gynaecologist!
Yes ok guys may say they are sexy but do you ever see them try fighting while wearing them and still be able to father children in the future!
Like what you have read? then come visit my website
Monday, April 2, 2012
Vampire Skin care and not just the bathing in a Virgin Girls blood sort
Vampire Skin care go on take a look ................
Click on these links
I am now self help for vampires with acne?
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Having your pubic hair permed and Toilet Humour for Vampires
Toilet Humour for Vampires
I do so often worry that I am the only one to see the funny side of this strange world we live in.
Look as you know from my books and blogs
(Remember to always visit my lair at:
I am a Vampire Author and life is not all about biting people, no of course not it is all about Chocolate, anyway a human friend just invited me on a shopping trip, and what girl could say no to that, ok so it was going to be on the other side of the planet but heck so what its shopping therapy so its good for one.
But as I have said on other visits to SE Asia the major problem this vampire girl has is the plumbing ….eeeech ….so of it is like so primitive.
Talk about peeing in a hole in the ground.
And well the ones with running water have running water everywhere, making ¾ pants not a fashion item but the only way you can stop walking about with wet jean legs, the floors are wet….no the floors are soaking wet….. take a look at what the girls non Muslim girls wear and you will see it is shorts and a top.
Even the posh loos have the standard cold water hose pipe to stick between your legs instead of toilet tissue.
WARNING: Always carry a packet of tissues …..
No toilet tissues in the cubicle and unless you are the sort of girl that goes about cleaned shaven (not a good idea if you have Chinese fur that makes you feel like a cactus unless done daily) it means you get wet but no in a nice way.
Wet Fur = Wet Panties …………….Wet Panties = Damp patches when you sit down
Look at the photo and tell me how you would be able to stick a orange hose pipe between your legs turn on the tap and not look to the world like you have failed to reach the toilet in time.
Heck waving a hose pipe about in a confined space it is lucky one does not end up with a wet bra as well as wet panties.
For the real posh we have a little pink hose pipe and flushing and very important a drain in the floor……
Yes you have guessed it the public ones do not always have floor drains which is why you have to paddle before you piddle.
Our first hotel was a shock
As the toilet had a control box and a little penis in the bowl, (well what would you call it?)and it should have come with a health warning unless you are the sort of girl that likes to be violated by a bathroom appliance ….I'm Not! ....I had to film it …see the power of that water jet hit the door!!!
Yes I did try it out my mistake……..well how was I to know it would do that ! and it was aimed at a delicate part of my body and it *!!#~** ing HURT !!!!!!!
I don’t know about others but I think it is a contraceptive device as there you are sitting comfortably thinking how cute the bellboy was that nearly got a hernia carrying your cases up and after the blood curdling scream you let out in discovering what the switch does believe me sex is no longer on your mind.
As we moved about the next hotel we tried had a supper looking WC
And came with instructions as it had its own moving penis ………yes it did !!!!! yes it has a penis I kid you not take a look at the film I made and just guess where that little white pipe is travelling to… eeeeeeeeech
Perhaps it is just me and this is normal but never in my wildest fantasies have I ever wanted such a personal encounter …..and the water was Sooooooo Frigging COLD !!!!!!!
Now I am told that some in Japan come with hot air blowers ........wow........... now that is better a hair drier for a different location on the body
Ok Ok Ok why is it that it comes to my mind the idea of pubic hair styles can now include have a perm !! eck !!!!!!!!!
Now I am told that some in Japan come with hot air blowers ........wow........... now that is better a hair drier for a different location on the body
Ok Ok Ok why is it that it comes to my mind the idea of pubic hair styles can now include have a perm !! eck !!!!!!!!!
I am still trying to forget what I will need years of counselling to get over ...........
Ho yes to finish off please take a look at my vampire book film trailer and please buy a copy as I will need to stock up on lots of paper tissues before having another shopping trip in SE Asia.
A self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated by manga Artist Heby and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, just bite him! You are a vampire why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for sinking them into a boy that is being rude to you.
Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).
Review of Vampire by Amy Mah
Since the author of this unusual and humorous book is herself unusual and a bit off the charts, I am doing something a little different with this review. Of course, I mean that in the most loving way. You don't doubt me, do you, Mistress Amelia? I think it is necessary to give a brief account of how our Amy sees herself and her writing. This is borrowed from Amy's blog with some minor editing on my part. Clears throat!
The author, Amelia Mah, is a 20 something snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who has a very popular blog of how she sees the world from the point of view of a modern teenage vampire. Following the success of her first book, "FANGS RULE A Girls Guide to being a Vampire," she has now expanded the idea of life as a teenage vampire into a full novel. Amelia has given her avatar her own name so you can see the world first hand from a very bored teenage vampire that has been forced to remain a teenager for far too long. She may have very good teeth and the ability to hang from ceilings but life is far from easy.
Vampire
Amy Mah
Reardon Publishing
ISBN 9781874192619
This is not your typical vampire story where vampires are jumping in bed with humans or are entangled with werewolves for one reason or another. This is the story of a teenage vampire who is just trying to survive in her day to day existence. It is humorous and will make you laugh out loud when Amy is just being her own unique self. She has a way with words that is like no other. This book gives us insight as to how how Amy meets her boyfriend Max and becomes best friends with his sister Ice, who were introduced in her first book. Amy is so outrageous that you can't help fall in love with her. I'm sure she would have something to say about that... No matter! The book is a delight and if you are into the strange and unusual, you must get your copy and see for yourself. You better get a copy unless you want to hear from the author. She has her own version of bending you to her will. In all seriousness, get your copy, it is a great book.
Disclosure: I received a copy from the publisher for reviewing purposes.
I give Vampire 5 out of 5 stars
Links:
www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm and can be found on the amazon US and UK sites.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Vampire Vacation and The Hunt by c.j. Ellisson
At times I wonder if people notice I am really a god slumming it down here with you crazy animals called the human race ..............
........but mostly I wonder if you can get cranberries and pecans in dark chocolate jumbo sized bars ...sigh..............
I have been busy of late so missed out on telling you all of my latest reads the 1st two books in the VV Inn series by C.J. Ellisson
You can pick them up cheap on things like kindle but I went and spent mega bucks on getting the paperbacks ………..and so worth it as they are printed on good paper and are something that will not turn brown ………I so like a nice printed book that one can read again.
The books :
‘Vampire Vacation’ and ‘the Hunt’ are hot steamy and very sexy and you will learn more than from and biology class!
The writing is good ..the story is good……the characters are good ……… the sex is …….. well it is a story for over 18s ok.
I can’t find any book trailers to show you so I will give you some book links and what you will see on the author on places like Amazon.
Biography
C.J. Ellisson is the author of the bestselling contemporary fantasy series The V V Inn . Right now there are two of the projected five books published, with the third releasing in early 2012. She also writes erotica with eleven other authors for the Kindle Blog sensation, Everything Erotic.
C.J. lives near Washington DC with her husband, two children aged eleven and nine, two Staffordshire Bull Terriers and a young cat she's newly allergic to. After spending most of her working life dealing with real estate - either as a sales manager, corporate trainer, Realtor, or as a property manager - she's now writing full time and happy for the first time in years. Writing has become her passion and to find people want to read her stories feels like a dream come true.
You can visit C.J. at her website (http://www.cjellisson.com) or search for her on Facebook and visit her author page. She loves hearing from readers!
C.J. lives near Washington DC with her husband, two children aged eleven and nine, two Staffordshire Bull Terriers and a young cat she's newly allergic to. After spending most of her working life dealing with real estate - either as a sales manager, corporate trainer, Realtor, or as a property manager - she's now writing full time and happy for the first time in years. Writing has become her passion and to find people want to read her stories feels like a dream come true.
You can visit C.J. at her website (http://www.cjellisson.com) or search for her on Facebook and visit her author page. She loves hearing from readers!
Vampire Vacation
Meet Vivian. She's a 580-year-old vampire who exudes sex, has a talent for drama, and is passionate about two things: her human husband, Rafe, and their resort for the undead. Her ability to project physical illusions has created the perfect vacation spot -- a dark, isolated Alaskan hideaway where visitors can have their wildest fantasies come true.
Vivian knows the best performance requires perfect timing, but the powerful vamp is put to the test when she discovers a corpse in a locked guestroom minutes before the next arrivals. Always cool-headed, Rafe hides the body, convinced he and Vivian can find the culprit without disturbing their guests.
Juggling the increasingly outrageous demands of their customers while tracking a killer isn't easy. Will their poking and prodding give them the answers they need, or will it uncover secrets Vivian would kill to protect?
‘the Hunt’
Vivian thinks she can control every aspect of a deadly game with her usual manipulations... but what if she can't?
Seven vampires and seven werewolves pay to hunt a supernatural criminal across the cold, vast grounds of an Alaskan resort. The one to catch her, and live through the encounter, will increase their power by feasting on hers.
The tiny vampire they track is more than she appears, however. To escape a fate of twelve years in silver chains, she'll do anything to survive the weeklong excursion. This time, the darkness holds more than just the stinging bite of the Arctic --it holds death.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_tc_2_0?rh=i%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3AC.J.+Ellisson&keywords=C.J.+Ellisson&ie=UTF8&qid=1326206471&sr=1-2-ent&field-contributor_id=B0044PMIJI
Friday, December 2, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Having my Ovaries massaged and lifting my skirt to show strangers what I have to show
Being a vampire is not always as fun as it sounds as we have to mix with humans and you are so odd !!!!
I do not burst into flame but get terminal acne ………….. well …..it feels terminal it may not kill me just wish I was dead, and even with 1000 percent sun block cream and dark glasses I still suffer.
Asia is hot and sunny and not a good place during the day for my species ………….. I am good with overcast days in the West but still I am not a full day walker nor a night walker (they have better eyesight and can take cold without getting a tummy chill) So I am an overcast walker and that sounds just crap, and so I suffer………er…… but not necessarily in silence …..so but I will tell you more as I tried to pretend to be human and fit into your world.
So a nice cool night flight and then it hit me …………….. sun light !!!!!!!
…As I said I suffer from heat rash due to being a vampire or in my case monstrous heat bumps …….heat lumps ….. see as a vampire I can not take sun light 3 on my left foot and two on my right a mountain of one on my lower right leg.
And the worst on my right inner thigh one that was 1 inch dia and itched like hell another 3 inches dia of puffy skin around it from me scratching.
And I was now a guinea pig for testing herbal creams by unknown relatives……………… hell I am not used to lifting my skirt for every strange distant relative to take a look at it and rub something on it such as…………. Tiger Balm ….which burns then itches again leaving you with a now big brown itchy lump.
Now you know why I said I always feel like a child in both vampire society and human society ……………. Who else do you know would have to raise their skirt to let a person one has never seen before …….. and without a doctors degree look up your skirt and make comments………….. Hell ok they say they are a relative …. But ………..oh embarrassing and ………. Well ……..there is me thinking daily that that I must wear my best underwear and perhaps should iron them first ………. as I do not know who will want to look up my skirt today ! what ever society I live in I still feel like a child !
Like the day I sat on a chair that must have had some oil on it as it left a damp looking stain and my Aunt asked if I have had an accident !!! no it is oil! see it is not drying !! what frigging idiot would leave oil on a seat ?
And then the time we had a short trip up toSiam
Siam Asian ! So I don’t look like a milk cow, but it is normal for my race !!
Breast Masage
With the full body massage It is all bending, turning and rubbing, and foot stretching which means her putting a foot between my legs ………….. ok more like just a heel but just where my ovaries are ------the heel holds the leg in place for the foot stretching.
And it did not help when I was told it is very good for girls to be rubbed there as it helps make them more fertile !!!! WHAT is it she is trying to do to me ------- no way do I want my ovaries spiting out eggs daily.
I don’t know about being more fertile but the dull ache it left behind made me feel that I had been kicked in the groin.
Things on my list of not to do again is to have my ovaries massaged !………I still ache when I think of it ….. and the time she spent massaging my inner thighs and bottom made me think that a visit to a gynecologist would be less invasive.
As to being fertile I had already been flicked with holy water by a bald headed little old cross legged monk in yellow robes when I gave him a donation ………which then I was also told by another monk would help make me fertile when I married………. Just what is all this about me and my eggs? ………….
……………… As a single girl lack of fertility is not something I have need to worry about …………… it has now just got me so worried ………… so any guy taking me out can forget about anything more than a kiss and as to him wearing a rubber …………. Yes a full neck to feet rubber wetsuit under his clothes even on a dinner date ………I am not taking any chances I am sure that little old monk winked at me ……….
You humans do not and I repeat do not live a normal LIFE !!!!!
I for one vampire will now going to stay in the West!
The next sexy massage I have must to be done by a naked guy! and preferably on his private schooner somewhere in theCaribbean .
As a vampire I have problems with sunlight and I will tell you of my trip to Asia to see my human relatives the ones which brought me up as an orphan until I was discovered and taken back into vampire society, hundreds of relatives I never heard of which seams to be normal in Asia.
I do not burst into flame but get terminal acne ………….. well …..it feels terminal it may not kill me just wish I was dead, and even with 1000 percent sun block cream and dark glasses I still suffer.
So a nice cool night flight and then it hit me …………….. sun light !!!!!!!
…As I said I suffer from heat rash due to being a vampire or in my case monstrous heat bumps …….heat lumps ….. see as a vampire I can not take sun light 3 on my left foot and two on my right a mountain of one on my lower right leg.
And the worst on my right inner thigh one that was 1 inch dia and itched like hell another 3 inches dia of puffy skin around it from me scratching.
And I was now a guinea pig for testing herbal creams by unknown relatives……………… hell I am not used to lifting my skirt for every strange distant relative to take a look at it and rub something on it such as…………. Tiger Balm ….which burns then itches again leaving you with a now big brown itchy lump.
Now you know why I said I always feel like a child in both vampire society and human society ……………. Who else do you know would have to raise their skirt to let a person one has never seen before …….. and without a doctors degree look up your skirt and make comments………….. Hell ok they say they are a relative …. But ………..oh embarrassing and ………. Well ……..there is me thinking daily that that I must wear my best underwear and perhaps should iron them first ………. as I do not know who will want to look up my skirt today ! what ever society I live in I still feel like a child !
Like the day I sat on a chair that must have had some oil on it as it left a damp looking stain and my Aunt asked if I have had an accident !!! no it is oil! see it is not drying !! what frigging idiot would leave oil on a seat ?
And then the time we had a short trip up to
It is common in Asia to have Breast enlargement massage at a look if you do not believe me .........and no I did not try it ............. why pay for that when any guy would do it free .............
Breast Masage
With the full body massage It is all bending, turning and rubbing, and foot stretching which means her putting a foot between my legs ………….. ok more like just a heel but just where my ovaries are ------the heel holds the leg in place for the foot stretching.
And it did not help when I was told it is very good for girls to be rubbed there as it helps make them more fertile !!!! WHAT is it she is trying to do to me ------- no way do I want my ovaries spiting out eggs daily.
I don’t know about being more fertile but the dull ache it left behind made me feel that I had been kicked in the groin.
Things on my list of not to do again is to have my ovaries massaged !………I still ache when I think of it ….. and the time she spent massaging my inner thighs and bottom made me think that a visit to a gynecologist would be less invasive.
As to being fertile I had already been flicked with holy water by a bald headed little old cross legged monk in yellow robes when I gave him a donation ………which then I was also told by another monk would help make me fertile when I married………. Just what is all this about me and my eggs? ………….
……………… As a single girl lack of fertility is not something I have need to worry about …………… it has now just got me so worried ………… so any guy taking me out can forget about anything more than a kiss and as to him wearing a rubber …………. Yes a full neck to feet rubber wetsuit under his clothes even on a dinner date ………I am not taking any chances I am sure that little old monk winked at me ……….
You humans do not and I repeat do not live a normal LIFE !!!!!
I for one vampire will now going to stay in the West!
The next sexy massage I have must to be done by a naked guy! and preferably on his private schooner somewhere in the
Monday, July 25, 2011
I have seen you naked !
I have seen you naked !
Yes well before we get onto that I have only ever had two bad reviews on my book and this is the worst one, so just to prove as an author I do not hide bad reviews from you. I will of course make comments on the review as I am hard to shut up even at the best of times.
The book was fair. It was a little too free with the talk of sex, which isn't something I was really expecting from it. Like, sex being okay on the first date. I might be a prude, or my morals are just different.. but that was pretty off-putting for me.
Now this must be from someone who has never read my blogs …..and believe me compared to my blog the book is veryyyyyyyyyy mild on the subject of sex, and no it is not just me saying it take a look at this video clip review on the book.
What it says about dating is that unlike human girls are a different species and like normal creatures we can only get pregnant when on heat which happens about once every 10 to 20 years.
Where as with humans rabbits come and take lessons from what they get up to!
So sex is not so important an issue with us apart from the turned undead vampires …………ex humans …….. heck these are the ones you see in vampire movies and jump on the first guy they see after getting turned ………… personally I think a bit sluttish but as long as I don’t have to step over them doing it, then who am I to complain.
A few lines were repeated occasionally, such as the mention of cats being higher rank than her.
Yes at the start under my status and also I expect under C for cat, plus a drawing of my Tarquin looking soooooooo cute in a jumper my aunt knitted him. No fur so he gets cold poor thing.
I noticed at least one editorial error.
Yes at least one and someone else said they found two, which with my spelling is almost a miracle of perfection
It was an all right book, that being the case.. I have read better written fanfiction.
Ok can’t say anything on this as I am not even sure what fanfiction is so looked it up and added the meaning to the end of this blog .............. er no as I am the author and not writting about another authors work it is not fanfiction unless i am a fan of myself?
It's probably something that would get by with sex-crazed teenagers, but I prefer something with a little more substance is all.
Ho yes ! sex crazed teenagers is just who it is aimed at !so I got that bit correct.
As to a little more substance ? from a book with a title of “A Girls Guide to being a Vampire” ho well all I can say is please read my book it is funny giving the reader lots of the odd rules a vampire as to follow and has some sexual innuendo as it talks about the same stuff teens talk of.
Now today I have found some funny little video clips talking about guys dicks, and no I do not want any more pics of them.
A Woman's Perspective on Penis Pics
A Woman's Perspective on Penis Size, Part 2
Some folk on Facebook are a little weird one left me a comment that he has seen me naked, er………. Even my cartoonist has at most only seen me in a two piece swimming costume, ho and she did a lovely one of me on a beach which I have had framed.
“I Have Seen You Naked” Yes this comment was posted by a wanker …………. And he even sent me proof of being a wanker! Yes you guessed I had yet another pic of a dick sent to me.
What is it with guys and taking photos of their dicks and then posting them to girls they don’t even know …………… perhaps its a new technological age flasher movement.
It really is a mistake to think sending me a dick pic is a way to pull a girl, not again I thought, just another guy trying to impress me ……er…….. it has a subtext on size! Like if that is 14cm I think he needs to buy a new ruler, either that or he must have hands the size of a gorilla !
Like it does not do anything for me apart from prove to me that he is a wanker …………. Heck he just sent me a photo to prove it !………………. so wanker is that it? That is your idea of romance? Send me a dick pic with your hands on it yep you’re a wanker all right.
Look at the film clips, what she says in the film is so true, to impress a girl send her chocolates or at least a copy of your bank balance, in any case all dicks in my company should be looking like a bald headed guy wearing a roll top jumper, if not then the owner must be gay.
To finish off look at what I have found under dicks in Islam ……….Youtube has a lot to answer for ………….
Just how can this be real ……..just listen to what is being said and then tell me if some religious books really don't need to updated.
Wife must comply to husband's sexual desires
Fan fiction meaning from Wickipeadia
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Fanfiction)
|
Media scholar Henry Jenkins explains the correlation between transmedia storytelling and fan fiction:
The encyclopedic ambitions of transmedia texts often results in what might be seen as gaps or excesses in the unfolding of the story: that is, they introduce potential plots which can not be fully told or extra details which hint at more than can be revealed. Readers, thus, have a strong incentive to continue to elaborate on these story elements, working them over through their speculations, until they take on a life of their own. Fan fiction can be seen as an unauthorized expansion of these media franchises into new directions which reflect the reader's desire to "fill in the gaps" they have discovered in the commercially produced material.[2]
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